Bad Mom?

Am I a bad mom if a little part of me is sad to see Eli grow up?  (Ok-a BIG part of me). 

I can't handle all the exciting things he is doing these days.  Every day, every hour-it is something new, something more mature-still really cute.  Sometimes I read other blogs written by mothers and see how old their young little ones look.  I don't want my lil E-bug to grow up to be big enough for preschool, kindergarten or full day school...I'm just not ready for any of that. I don't (yes I do!) want him to be so smart. I don't want him to lose that little cuteness of saying the words just a little wrong or needing help getting in his chair or brushing his teeth. I'm not ready to let him be independent yet.  I know there is time for all the neediness that a toddler needs-trust me.  And I'm deep down glad for that despite my daily complaints.

He's officially done with the nuk.  He had been using it just at night for the last few months.  This week, when Andy put him to bed and E-bug asked for it, Andy just distracted him.  He never asked for it again. What a success. I've heard so many horror stories and don't get me wrong-I feel lucky, blessed and ecstatic that we didn't have a crying lil boy all night long.  But it still made me sad to walk in and see him tucked away in his big crib without a nuk, which isn't so big anymore since he's growing.  The nuk made him look just a little baby-ish.  And I loved that.  The nuk softened him even though he is mostly bones and jabby angles.  Now he just looks like a boy. A boy! Not a baby boy.

Now that he's growing up, and we don't have an infant to fill that baby-space in our hearts and minds---I just have this lump in my throat--hoping that life isn't going too fast.  Is it?  How can I slow down or slow it down without slowing him down?  At least we've still got diapers....for now.