Most Days

Most days I'm extremely thankful for train tracks.  These give my son so much pure joy.

Today isn't just most days...but I'm still thankful for those tracks. 

I'm also thankful for family that plan holiday celebrations on different days so that baby bean (and I) get to eat twice.

I'm also thankful for the last jar of my sister's homemade strawberry jam in our freezer that we got out for our breakfast.

Overall I'm thankful that my husband and I have jobs that affords us gas in our car, pays for our insurance, allows me to stay warm in clothes and shoes, with running water, entertainment, books, music and gluten free foods.

Our baby room is very slowly coming together.  I pulled out some baby clothes and all the onesies and jammies are sitting on the floor in the to-be-baby room.  We found our lil doggie sitting right in the middle of all the chaos.  Love that dog. I'm thankful that she makes herself at home and that she is snuggling in.

I'm not able to go out shopping on "Black Friday" but I'm thankful for all those who do go out and get the deals they were hoping for.  I love all the excitement people share about something that would stress me out! 

I'm thankful that Eli is old enough to let Bailee out to the back yard and can let her back in so I can keep my pregnant butt on the couch when she is barking. 

I'm thankful for a hands on husband and father to Eli.  He is SO helpful and I appreciate it every single day of my life.  I really won the lottery with him.

I'm thankful for those Green Bay Packers.

I'm thankful someone at a "sober house" will get good use out of an item from our house that we sold on Craig's List.  That money will go towards a new pair of winter boots that I can pull on easily around my big, growing belly.

This year I'm thankful for Amazon.com.  On-line shopping is more satisfying than I thought it would be-I really enjoy coming home and opening the boxes.  It's also relieving some of my stress of shopping till dropping.  Don't get me wrong-I'll still get that spirit and get out there for more hands on shopping. 

I'm thankful for these last 15 minutes so I could blog. 

Look who found his way to snuggle land!
And I'm thankful for a LOT more...but right now I'm thankful that I'm out of time-because that means I have a family who needs me, and without that-I wouldn't feel as blessed as I am.

Heart Warming

Tonight when I got home after working 10 hours Eli was in his prime.  Eli's prime is anywhere between 4 pm-7 pm.  I think my mom calls it "the witching hour".  No matter what you do-he is a terror.  It saddens me that the majority of my time with him during the week is spent triaging all the fits he decides to throw.

If there isn't an "activity" he wants one of us on the floor playing with him.  But he isn't a good listener these days.  It usually takes a lot of repeating and patience.  I don't always have both at the same time after a long day of dealing with needy people.  I try, oh how I try. 

Tonight wasn't a successful night.  I don't think Andy or I lost our cool but both had to do a lot of "parenting" meaning reminding, talking to, positively suggesting the right thing for Eli to do.  He cried over any little thing.  And I mean the type of crying with big, real tears and hard to catch your breath type of crying.  Sometimes that makes me want to giggle because it's so cute and I KNOW nothing is really wrong. Other times I want to cry because I just want our few hours together to be joyous and happy.  It's just that time of the day.  But then he wouldn't eat any of his dinner and just yelled and banged his fork the whole time.  It's distracting for Andy and I. We couldn't even talk to each other and couldn't get him to change his behavior.  After Andy read him his books and we laid him down, he cried for at least 45 minutes. I was secretly happy because I wanted a chance to go up and cuddle him.  I felt terrible that our whole evening was rough.  I wonder what burden he was carrying-was he hungry, upset stomach, ear ache, argument with friend (Zachary) at Debbie's or just plain tired?  So Andy told me I could go up and rock him.  (We always try to agree on what to do in these situations so we don't start any bad habits.)

While I rocked Eli on my lap I said to him "You know mom and dad love you, right?".  I just wanted him to know it.  I wanted him to be reminded.  I wanted the day to end on a positive note-more so for me than for him.  He said "Yes, and Bailee loves me too".  I said "Yes Bailee loves you too."  Then he said "And Henry loves me too".  Awww....cousin Henry you hold such a HIGH, SPECIAL spot in lil Eli's heart.  It was so heart warming to me.  I said "yes Henry loves you too".  He never even picked up his head from my shoulder. 

The next thing he said was "Grandma Barb went trick or treating?" and I giggled and said "yes" and he said "Kay".  No more peeps out of him.  Good night sweet boy-get some GOOD rest. We'll try again tomorrow.

Long Drive Home

I had a terrible, horrible, no good-very bad day today.  Ok so it wasn't that bad.  But I just couldn't wait to get out of there.  I worked ten hours and was ready to flop down on the couch, floor, bed, dark quiet closet-wherever.  As I walked out of the front door of the hospital that I work at into the large circle driveway I noticed a few white Christmas lights that were on as it was already getting quite dark.  It put me in the spirit.  I was heading home for the day!  I was going to see my 2 favorite boys. I needed an attitude adjustment before I saw them.  I was bound and determined to be a glorious wife and peaceful, patient mother.

The circle drive was jam packed with cars, transport vehicles and people in wheelchairs getting the heck out of dodge (aka being discharged from the hospital). As I rounded the corner I heard some loud and continuous honking on the horn.  The gal in front of me and myself both turned (we were safely on the sidewalk but the noise was blaring) to look at what was going on.  It appeared that a large white transport van had cut off a silver compact car in the circle.  The driver of the transport van opened his car door while blocking the way to shout at the little car.  The little car (maybe the window was down) yelled "you didn't see me!".  I couldn't understand all the yelling except the little car was yelling at the top of her lungs "GO GO GO GO GO" meanwhile the white transport van (who may very well be carrying Nana or grandpa who is weak but excited to go home) continued to keep the door open and yell right back very loudly.  It didn't stop there. He started to drive away with the door open while yelling.  Finally he closed the door but was swinging his arms wildly in the air while shaking his head and probably shouting obscenities that recovering grandpa had never heard before. 

Merry Christmas to you White Van and Small Silver Car.  Who knows which one was right or wrong.  Neither of them cared if it was an accident.

I sort of laughed to myself with the other gal, because it was quite the scene and seemed ridiculous.... but then I said a small, short prayer that they would both forget about it and not carry this rage with them on the road.  I hope neither of them pulled out their cell phone to tell their best friend about it.  I prayed for a safe trip home myself and thought about how much damage a small car accident can cause-even if not traumatic.
It made me think of a book I recently read called "Long Drive Home" written by Will Allison. 

I read the book in 2 sittings, taking me a total of 3 hours.  It was a quick, easy read but it had a big impact on me.  It was not an enlightening book. I don't know that the author used any witty language and it wasn't an amazing story line.  But the concept behind it hit me.  Maybe because I work in a Level 1 Trauma Center and I've seen the effects of car accidents-young and old.  I cringe when I hear or see the Flight For Life going out and coming in.

 If you didn't read my recent post about wearing a "Sign" you should read that post-then read this book.  The storyline without ruining the book:  A dad is driving his daughter home from school and gets in a car accident with her in the back seat. They are ok but the driver in the other car is not.  Was it the dad's fault? The other drivers fault? What about the chain of events that led up to the accident?  What did the little girl all see?  How does the wife handle how the dad handles the aftermath?

One or two small events can have life changing effects.  Driving is a dangerous thing.  How often do you swear at other drivers?  I don't usually but Andy does- I tell him not to because people can read lips and get mad.  Sometimes I'll comment on how slow someone is driving, but I much prefer to work with slower drivers than people who seem in a hurry. People who scoot up so close behind me make me nervous.  I wonder where they are trying to go and if they are annoyed with me.  Are they annoyed enough to try to pass me illegally waving their middle finger at me?  What about the people who pull up to the 4 way stop and go when it's not their turn.  Are you annoyed?  Do you ever forget to use your blinker? Do you slow down when someone is trailing you faster?  Do you yell at them when they pass you?  I hope we can all avoid being the person in the hurry or the person getting mad-after reading this story I know how important it is to stay alert and follow traffic rules. 

I try to tell myself they are in a hurry because if they are a minute late for their job they will lose it or that they just found out their mother is in the hospital.  Not a reason to drive reckless, but much better in my heart than if they are just annoyed with the slow mom driver ahead of them.
Maybe they are excited to get home and tell their husband they are pregnant with twins after trying for 3 years to have a baby.  Maybe they got a call that their little one is having an allergic reaction or an asthma attack.  Maybe they are in labor!  Maybe they are hypoglycemic.  Maybe maybe maybe.  On the other hand-maybe they are just angry with their day.  Maybe they are in need of a cigarette or a beer or are on drugs. Maybe they are texting and not paying attention.  Maybe they overslept. Maybe they just can't stand slow drivers.
Either way, this book opened my eyes to thinking things through before getting angry at that other driver. It's not worth it.  It WON'T make you feel better to peel past them or shout at them.  It really won't.  Whether or not they are in the wrong and you are "the nice guy", it doesn't pay to take any type of action.  Keep yourself calm and take an extra moment to stay in control. 
Do it for yourself, your family or the little child that you can't see in the backseat of the other car.

First Steps

Tonight we made the first move towards really creating a nursery in our spare room. I'm excited. I've got that nestin' feeling!
Another friend who is pregnant told me they had already painted their next nursery and she is due shortly after me.  So that told me we needed to get our butts in gear.

I wanted to take a before and after shot of the nursery but so far I am just not that good.  I will take a shot before we make it baby-ish, because right now we are just in the process of moving out electronics (the computer to the basement!) and tomorrow the treadmill to the basement.  It's going to take a whole lot of motivation to get on that treadmill now that it's down in the basement but there just is no where else for it. 

I just want to gush for a minute.  Andy doesn't get enough credit on my blog. I could fill post after post about how lucky I am. How I married the right man for me.  That I couldn't be happier with him.  That he is funny, smart, helpful, thoughtful, quiet, fun, athletic, a dad, a friend, a companion, a husband etc etc etc.  I can't believe that I told him "ok let's move the computer" about 20 minutes ago and I didn't get a complaint. It went SO smooth.  I unplugged it. He dusted it all. He carried it down. I plugged it all back in and I'm quickly blogging.  No arguments. It worked on the first try (all of it! The mouse, the keyboard, the speakers, sub-woofer and printer!).  If we can stay sane while we put this nursery together, these next 3 months will slide and glide right by.

Hello baby!!!!!!!!  We're getting ready for you. Step by step.  I can't wait to introduce you to this whole house we've made a home.  I know you'll fit RIGHT in.

Tooters

Here it is...a normal Sunday afternoon at our house.

I wanted to record Eli in "action"-just doing whatever it is that he does all day.
Take note:
1. The house is a disaster. Yes, we do clean it up at night before we go to bed, why? So we can leave the house in the am without the yuck-feeling you have when the floor is scattered with 10 different types of toys.  But yes, our house looks this cluttered and kid-zonish at some point every day.
2. Yes, that is Andy on the couch next to me, those are his knees and his hand glued to the remote. I made him mute the football game so we could hear Eli.
3. I need 30% of Eli's energy. I think it would be a great balance if he gave me some of his-so that we could jump across the living room together.
4. Listen reallllly  carefully around the  1 min 47  second mark. I am not even sure what to compare this sound to-but just for the record-it came from Eli.  I would not normally post something so immature, gross or dumb. But it makes me laugh and I need every belly laugh I can get. It's for the baby really-I think I read that a good belly laugh will increase the chance of the baby being a great sleeper. 

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

By Request

My view of my feet.  Oh that's right-you can't even see my feet.  The big gray blob is my belly!
I'm 26, almost 27 weeks along. I'm scared to be able to say I only have 13 weeks to go.  Who knows? I could go 2 weeks early and I could have just 11 short weeks to go. (another scary thought is that Christmas is so close even though it's not even Thanksgiving). 
The baby has hiccups a lot. 

Of note, Andy says I'm not round and I wasn't round last time either.  Instead it looks like I have a football in my belly-pointy side poking out.
My belly button is half way out when I'm standing up straight.
I'm losing my small chest-meaning my belly is poking out far enough that my belly doesn't create a shelf-but a slope.
We are just getting started on the baby room.  We have a lot to do and I'm afraid with the holidays coming everything will sort of just get away from me. 
Names? We're looking for ideas please...
Grow baby grow!

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."


~Plato



Recently I read this post on a blog I loosely follow.  Read it. 
Ok are you back?
I occasionally know of a friend who has shared something with me and should be wearing a sign, but instead they put on such a good front.  Sometimes I can only guess that someone should be wearing the sign.   The sign indicating "be gentle with me. somethings going on in my life". 
 
Sometimes it's me who needs to wear the sign.  
 
Ok on to your next reading assignment.  Within that blog post that I linked above, is another one that I actually took the time to read.  Maybe because I was silently wearing a sign that said "Be easy on me today" I knew I really needed to read this other link.  Check it out here.
The story touched me.   
At work patients tell me many, many gruesome details about the struggles they go through.  It is weird how many patients who struggle with their health also need someone to just listen to them open up about other battles going on.  And it may be the littlest thing that they need to vent about.  Sometimes it isn't even the life threatening disease they are dealing with, but the smaller issues that should be solved easily that they want to discuss.    I always do my best to demonstrate empathy and sympathy.  And I hope that they know that I am listening and taking it all in. 
But some days when I have my own garbage going on inside, I want to pull out the sign.  I want it to say "I'm listening. I care. I do.  Now can I tell you what's going on with me?".  It can be a real struggle.  
 
Lately I've been trying to remember that strangers that I don't even have direct contact with are wearing these signs. Going into the holidays and the hustle and bustle, I need to constantly keep reminding myself that others may have their hearts somewhere else while attempting to accomplish something that isn't going easy for them.  Other drivers may be in a hurry because of a real emergency-not because they are just jerks.  Waiting in line may be difficult for many because it is their only chance to stand in line to return an item and they've been on their feet all day.  Someone may have gotten laid off at work.  Others may have found out something about their health.  Maybe they got in reprimanded at work for something they didn' t do.  Maybe they are struggling with relationship issues.  It may not be the same issue that would cause distress for you or me, but it is affecting them.
 
So if you skipped the links above and didn't truly read them-reconsider. It might help remind you not to get annoyed, frustrated or angry with someone.  I know it's one of my goals to remember that EVERYONE is fighting a hard battle.  A different battle than mine or yours. But a battle.

Grace in the small things #?

I can't remember the last time I did this. I guess I'm due.

1. Last night I went to my special cousin E's play. It was called "Jury Room" and it was great.  I think she has one more play in her before she graduates and I'll be sad not to have her events to attend. So much fun.

2. I haven't been feeling that great today and have had sort of a long week so tonight I decided to stay home with Eli while Andy goes out to celebrates a birthday for a friend of ours.  I enjoyed the alone time with Eli.  Right now I can hear him over the monitor singing in his crib: Little Teapot, Twinkle Twinkle and Happy Birthday.  Love the happy babble...hope it doesn't turn into tears.

3. I left work late today-I'm very grateful for both of Eli's day care ladies who are very flexible and understand that we appreciate the extra unplanned minutes that they have to care for our special lil man. 

4. On the way home from the play last night, I somehow got lost.  Is it pregnancy brain? I had the GPS going too!  I must not have been listening.  I had the music cranked up and was enjoying the drive.  It was dark out and all of a sudden I was driving through and by down town.  I loved looking at all the downtown activity and lights. Even though it took me off course by 10-15 minutes I was in bliss.  Driving on the "noodle" or what used to be, at my pace, with nobody telling me where every truck was etc.  It was a blessing in disguise. 

5. Eli is starting to listen more and more.  I'm amazed.  Now if he runs ahead he will stop when we tell him too. I thought this would never happen.

6. One of my friends toddlers has been growing at a great, steady rate and I'm just so darn happy that the stress of feeding her child will be slowly disappearing.

7. The plan is for me to go part time. There is a true plan in motion and I will not let myself get scared out of it.  I truly believe this will be a good thing for me, my kids, my husband etc.  I pray that I can get my act together and be the mom I want to be, while continuing with a career. 

8. The other day I was getting ready to leave work for the day and realized that I hadn't even spent 10 minutes (Which would have been minimal compared to other days) wallowing in gluten free pain.  I hadn't even thought about it once that whole day.  I ate gluten free but didn't even think about it.  I didn't think "I have celiac disease" or "Do I really have it?" all day. 

9.  Everything in my pregnancy is going really good.  That's all I can say about that.

10.  Here's one to laugh at...because Andy is not home I have soft music on and yes that's right-you are hearing me right-it is Christmas music. HA!  I'm not quite ready for Christmas but I am feelin' it right now, so I have it on.  Laugh your hearts out, but I have found that since having Eli that holidays are even more exciting. The pure joy over every little aspect of each holiday is magic.  It allows for me to feel the excitement and kid-at-heart natural feelings of having a family at a holiday.

This weekend...I'm hoping for:
-A little extra rest to get me prepared for next week
-Peace of mind for a friend who's little man struggles with a health condition that is so very stressful (that's you CF)
-Breakfast out at a new restaurant-hoping for some gluten free hashbrowns, with some eggs and fruit maybe?
- A happy transition for the time change-aka no messy early am on Sunday!
-Something cooking in the crock pot on Sunday with a Packer win
-An hour to plan meals for the week
-The rest of the leaves to fall off so we can rake and get rid of the leaves before it rains again
-An easy labor for a friend who WILL have her baby within the next 6 days!
Time with my boys (and girl WOOF)

Dear Baby Bean,

Dear Baby Bean,

I just wrote your big brother a Halloween message and didn't want you to think I forgot about you.  How could I?  You're happily kicking me hello each and every day.  You're on my mind the 50% of the time that I'm not thinking about Eli.  It just doesn't leave room for me to think or focus on much else these days. 
I wanted to write and let you know a few things about me and your daddy.  What I wouldn't give to "know" my mom and dad back in the days I was in her belly or even when I was a toddler.  So here you go-I hope someday you or your family (kids, significant other etc) enjoy knowing me as I am when I carried you with me wherever I went.

-I love popcorn!  I wonder if you will?
-Since becoming pregnant with Eli and now with you, I have lost track of a lot of stuff. I just can't focus and remember and organize like I used to. I don't notice things or remember stuff at work. I feel overwhelmed with all the stuff that needs to get done but I can't stop naturally loving and thinking about YOU!
-I like to read and hope this hobby carries over to your life.
-I like to cook and recently became gluten free.  It makes me sad to know when you start eating real food I won't be able to "share" a cookie with you or even a fishy cracker. 
-My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving.  Nothing beats the smells and the family.
-I like when it rains.  It makes me happy to feel like curling up in bed with a book or on the couch with your dad to spend some quiet time.
-We have a dog named Bailee and I love her with all my heart.  She is rambunctious even in her older years but settles down ok and likes to cuddle under blankets. She is excited to meet you and will be a big part of your life.
-Your dad and I can't agree on a name for you yet.  Mostly because we have 15 weeks left until you arrive and because we don't know if you are a boy or a girl yet-we're leaving that a surprise. So your name will be too and I cannot wait.
-I hate mushrooms and cilantro.  Your dad doesn't like cucumbers or celery.  We are starting to eat more tomatoes (both of us) and green peppers.  I don't like pineapple and your dad is not a huge watermelon eater. Eli loves all fruits and veggies. He doesn't really like chicken. 
-I'm not someone that needs a lot of friends. I'm not super outgoing.  I like comfort and I fear change.  Although that doesn't mean I don't enjoy hanging out with my close friends and meeting new people.  Your dad is loved by everyone-I don't know a soul that doesn't love him easily and right away.  He is natural and amazing in new social settings. 
-We are Packer fans!  Sundays are spent in the living room rooting them on.  Usually chili or something in the crock pot is smelling good.  We are sad when the football season is over-but with improved weather we take trips to the beach, parks, zoo, bike rides etc.
-Your dad loves sweets. Cakes, cookies, desserts etc. I'm more of a food person. I would prefer to have seconds at the dinner table.
-I like all kinds of music.  Last night I listened to "oldies" (60's music) while I made dinner. Often at night I will put on piano music.  Your dad is not fond of this and would rather have fast paced music.  I like stuff with a beat that you can dance to as well, and sometimes I'll put on fun kid music for Eli.  I wonder if your listening and what you like?
-I dream of what you will be like, what you will look like, who you will take after, if you'll be a tough cookie or a sit on your lap type of babe. I just can't wait to find out.
-Eli loves trains, dogs and cats, trucks, being helpful and romping on the floor with dad.  He's going to be a tremendous big brother and I hope to stay home with the both of you more after you are born (instead of working)-this is a dream for me that I hope comes true.

I can't wait to find out all about you and have you find out about me. We are going to have a very special place in each others lives. I wonder how much of the above will change or matter.  See you soon!!!! (But not too soon!).
Love,
Mom

Monkey

Dear Eli,

This is the first year you really enjoyed Halloween.  Anytime someone said "October" you yelled "It's almost Halloween!"  I loved it. 
At first you thought you were going to dress up as "Choc-o-late".  But we showed your you costume that you borrowed from a friend and it fit perfectly. It was nice and warm and it suited you perfectly.

There you are Mr. Monkey

See the banana in your pocket?

On Sunday Daddy and I took you out in our neighborhood.  It melted my heart.  I have never really been a "Halloween" person so I was doing all of this for you.  But 5 minutes in and my heart was all gooey, ooey, mushy over cute little you!  You walked like such a big boy and took your time.  You carried your blue pumpkin bucket, said the right words every time "Trick or Treat" and always said thank you.

This is your favorite house in our neighborhood Eli-you always ask if the Black Catty's will be awake today!

The first hour went perfect but you started to slow down.  You were walking slower and your pumpkin got heavy.  Then it started raining.  So we headed home-but my favorite parts were
-One family brought out a banana instead of candy since you are a monkey
-A few houses I could tell that some of the older ladies REALLY loved you in your costume and they were surprised you could say the right words. 
-When you turned around after looking in your pumpkin and said "A bar mama?" (a candy bar!)
-Sometimes you looked at me and said "More candy?"

The second trick or treating experience was different because we went at night.  Oooooh this was very special too.  We went from house to house with a few friends (Snow White and her dwarf-Sneezy and also Spiderman).  These houses were further apart and there was a lot more running.  There was a lot of attempting to touch candle lit pumpkins, there was excitement over any house with a dog and some wagon riding.  On the way home I let you have your first Halloween candy: a small pack of M&M's.  I gave you one piece at a time.  Each time you asked what color it was, but it was too dark to see.  That little package lasted the whole car ride home (which would have taken me 2-3 mouthfuls). 

Alright monkey boy...I just wanted to let you know how much you made Halloween mean to me.I hope you had as much fun as it looked like. I know the next 5-10 years will bring new Halloween memories and as you get older and more independent I won't get the chance to walk to each house with you. But just for the record, just so you know, I'll want to!
Love,
Mama