Imagine being a doctor.

Imagine being the one to save someones life. To be thought of as a miracle worker. The know all.

Imagine being the one whose job it is to deliver the news.
The good. The bad. The ugly. The real ugly. The surprise. The "I knew it" news. The-oh my gosh life changing news.
Again, imagine being a doctor.

Imagine being the one who ruined someones life with news. The one who didn't start someone on that medication. The one who didn't have a new medical plan or options for someone. The one who told someone when they would die, that they will die and how they will die.

Imagine delivering this news:
You have AIDS.
It WAS a heart attack.
You're labs don't look right. Please come in and meet with me.
The x-ray shows a mass.
It's cancer.
You have diabetes.
You're life is going to change.
You need to change your life.
I can't help you anymore.
You need to see a different/other doctor.
Your son/daughter has a rare disorder that is not well researched.
Your mother has dementia. She needs to go to a nursing home if you can't be there 24 hours a day.
The medication is not working.
We need to do another round of chemo. You will never run again.
This is a new drug, we can't guarantee this is going to work.
It's not what I thought.
I haven't seen this happen before.
I have no explanation.
Your insurance doesn't cover the treatment.
You need dialysis.
You can't leave the hospital yet.

People get this type of news every day. People SIT through hearing this news about their life. They have to take it all in and react the way that is natural for them. Some cry, scream, become speechless. Many get angry and bitter. Some refuse to understand or believe it. Others assume they will die tomorrow. Some are so anxious they become belligerent. Many of these patients will remember this doctor, blame him/her and remember these words the doctor told them for the rest of their life. Word for word.

Besides the expectation of bobbling people's health and lives in their hands, they also have to have the correct social skills to please each patient.
It's hard to share the news: to be the one to give the news, to be the one to ruin someones day, life, dreams. Maybe the doctor chooses the wrong words. Uses too many words. Not enough words. Too much compassion. Too little compassion.

Man is that hard.
But doctors also get to tell you things like:
You get to leave the hospital today.
It worked!
You don't need that medication anymore.
It's a girl!
You lost the weight and no longer are diabetic.
There is no sign of cancer.
You're scan is improved.
You're having a baby!
You will have a full recovery.
It was acid reflux, not a heart attack.
You're lab work came back clean.
You're treatment is keeping you right on course.
You're son will play sports again.

People may not criticize these doctors as much for their word choice. These patients may be elated and cry or make an exciting phone call. Some may praise the doctor for all they did for them. These patients will also remember these doctors and the chosen positive words for the rest of their life. Word for Word.

Imagine the stress these doctors must have. Day to day.
Working with these doctors is amazing, and no matter how late they run in clinic-remember they are helping someone with THEIR news.

In my field of work I am surrounded by doctors all day. Do I like everything they say to my patients? No. Do I like how they always treat ancillary staff (aka my coworkers and me)? No. Do I firmly believe they do what is best for the patient? Yes.

Eli has been blessed with such great doctors. I have had constant confidence in them as they have always showed just the right amount of compassion and just the right amount business.

I remember night 2 after Eli was born. He was still in the special nursery at Froedtert. It was probably 2 in the morning and we got woken up by one of the doctors from Children's Hospital. He said "If your son's platelets do not go up tomorrow, we will transfer him to the NICU". That is all he really said and we went back to sleep. I often wonder-why would a doctor do that? Why wake a mother up after a hard day of labor and emotional distress with all the medical concerns? I understand now and love that doctor for doing that. He was being honest, timely, updating us, talking to us so we would understand and be able to ask questions. This is the same doctor who came to Eli's room after his first attempted spinal tap just to check on him. I told the doctor to go away, because it made me nervous that he was there with some strange news to tell us. He laughed and reported that he does like to just check on his patients and say hi (even to a baby who knows no difference). Eli's pediatrician came to visit him the first day he was born at 9pm on a Friday night after putting his own 3 daughters to bed, has called me at 10 pm at night with lab results, and talks to Eli at his appointments. I love this man and trust him.

If you don't have a doctor because you don't need one, you are truly blessed. Good health is priceless. We often take it for granted until something sneaks up on us.

No matter the news they give you- it's not personal. Go for a second opinion whenever you can. Remember if your doctor doesn't talk to you like you want them to-change doctors. There is one out there FOR you. And when you find the one that helps you, keep them, trust them, thank them when they are on time and thank them for taking the extra 5 minutes to answer your questions. Their day is not easy.

More Grace...

Some grace in the small things from this week:

1. I attended a journaling workshop with my mom. It was 2.5 hours long-in the evening-on a rainy night where we both probably would have loved to be in our jammie pants and tshirts. I went with no expectations except some good quality time with my mom. It turned out awesome! It was quiet, tranquil and easy. That's how I'll describe that. The leaders of the group taught us to reflect and reflect and reflect some more. I enjoyed the quiet and wondered what my mom was reflecting about.

2. I have some great office mates. When I have a patient that sucks the life out of me (aka makes my day stressful) those 2 can make me laugh, even if we are just picking on each other.

3. Eli's learning so many new things! He now points to his nose and ears on command. He tries to say "nose" and he also says: night night, knock knock, dog, out, up and more. Every little new thing is so exciting. At night when he's rocking with me he'll take his binkie out and point at his nose and say "no" (he tries to say nose without the s). It MELTS MY HEART.

4. A funny post about Diet Coke written by my sister on her blog made me smile today.

5. Eli goes for his 15 month appointment tomorrow. Oh boy I am so excited. Andy and I are predicting 20-21 lbs and can't wait for him to hit that mark!

6. Modern Family has restarted and it's on the same night as Survivor. Don't call me on Wednesday nights!

7. My goddaughter LB has her 2-year old birthday party this weekend. I'm so excited to celebrate with her!

8. One of Eli's care takers Ms. Kristi sent some pictures of Eli playing outside to my work email. That made my day.

9. I finally had time to add 2 friends blogs to my blog list (on the right) and updated my book shelf!

10. I've gotten a few requests to post a video of Eli's skills on his 2 feet. Below is a video that will show
a. Some walking
b. him drinking water
c. his obnoxious laugh that sounds fake (although usually the laugh lasts like 5 seconds instead of just 1 in this video).
Enjoy all you friends and family who live far away.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

State Fair

My in-laws got married 40 years ago in August. Their honeymoon was planned to be a trip to the Wisconsin State Fair. They drove down, but could not get a hotel room so they skipped it.

After birthing 8 kids, helping them all get into college, cheer them on while they played sports, take them to church, travel on family trips-those two very special parents never made it to the State Fair. They never got to try the cream puff or ride the Ferris wheel.

This year I suggested we take them to the State Fair and guess what? They showed up!

We found parking across the street in someones backyard who promised we wouldn't get parked in and we ventured in (1 day before their anniversary of 40 years) and enjoyed the HOT sunshine, shops, animals and food (but none of us were ride goers). At the same time-Elijah experienced his first fair.

For me this was so awesome-Mrs. Roeder was all about trying different foods and sharing so you didn't have to just pick 1 food to spend money on. Instead we shared bites all around and smiles were everywhere between us.
Below are some pictures from our day.
The food we tried (YES as a dietitian, I took a bite of it all)
1.Chocolate covered bacon on a stick (Picture at the top of Mr. and Mrs. Roeder in line to get chocolate covered bacon!)
2. Cheeseburger on krispie creme donut
3. Cheese curds
4. Cheesecake on a stick(Ok I didn't take pictures of every food item!)
5. Deep fried snickers bar
6. pretzel bun bites dipped in cheese
7. homemade potato chips
hmmm oh yeah and a few cold beers.

Eli liked the animals-we saw goats, dogs, horses, cows and pigs. A few of the pigs almost trampled us. Eli took his first nap in his stroller and we noticed he had sweat through his clothes but was such a trooper. It was special for all of us and I'm glad my in-laws had their "honeymoon" even if it was after 40 years. They are such a good example of love, sacrifice, strong beliefs/morals, smiles and overcoming obstacles.

30

1. Traveled to Vegas with my mom and sister
2. Met, kissed, married, trusted, lived with and loved Andrew Roeder
3. Read so many good books
4. Played soccer for as long as my body would hold out
5. Lived in the yellow Vortex
6. Let it all hang out on my 21st birthday
7. Gave Gerk as many hugs as I could, whenever I could before she moved away
8. Applied and got the job
9. Saved a little money whenever I could
10. Had a baby boy and named him Elijah
11. Traveled to New Mexico with my family, just my sister and just Colleen
12. Learned how to play roulette
13. Asked for advice when I needed it
14. Went on 2 all inclusive trips with Andy
15. Got my ears pierced
16. Bought my blue Santa Fe 167-ADY
17. Danced to so many songs at so many weddings
18. Babysat those Shea kids
19. Cuddled with Bailee night after night
20. Took the leap and became a home owner
21. Brought Eli to the cottage (2 years in a row now!)
22. Played the violin, (lil bit of) piano and trombone-learned to read music
23. Listened to the music before seeing the play (Phantom, Joseph, Chicago etc) or read the book before the movie
24. Took things seriously at important times. Let myself worry enough to be prepared. Memorized the memories. Laughed at the past. Learned from the past. Tried to change the future. Attempted to live in the present.
25. Learned to cook a turkey from my mom (but never learned to iron)
26. Went fishing and learned to take a fish off the hook from my dad
27. Took so many pictures
28. Spent a weekend with my grandma by myself helping her put up her Christmas tree
29. Believed in Santa Clause for MANY MANY years
30. Started a blog

I turned 30 yesterday. It was probably a bigger deal in my heart and mind than some thought. Above is a list of 30 things I'm glad I have done in my lifetime!
As Tim McGraw would say...

My next thirty years I’m gonna settle all the scores
Cry a little less, laugh a little more
Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear
Figure out just what I’m doing here
In my next thirty years

Oh my next thirty years, I’m gonna watch my weight
Eat a few more salads and not stay up so late
Drink a little lemonade and not so many beers
Maybe I’ll remember my next thirty years

My next thirty years will be the best years of my life
Raise a little family and be a FUN wife (I changed the lyrics here... sorry Tim!)
Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear
Make up for lost time here ,In my next thirty years

We didn't have a big party which was by my request. I know Andy would have done whatever he could to make this day a big deal but that is not what I wanted at all. Andy made the day/weekend special for me. I got cards, flowers, cake and cupcakes. I drank some wine (not my lemonade), took some naps, had a visit from my parents and some good ol' cheese, read my book, played with Elijah and also got breakfast in bed.

I'm in my 30's now. I still feel like I'm 23. That's a good thing right? So I got a lot of comments about turning 30. Below are a few.
"You got a lot of years left. A lot of life to live yet".
"You are a young pup".
"Isn't it fun to turn 30 first?".
"30 wasn't hard for me. 33 did me in."
etc etc etc
Below are some things (not 30) that I want to do in my next 30 years.
-Live with less regret-read more good books-travel more-plan less-go with the flow more-spend more time with my parents and Andy's parents-sit on the sidelines and cheer my heart out for my kids-run a 1/2 marathon-appreciate that I have clothes and learn to love how they fit-save more money but spend without guilt-visit my Grandpa-write more real letters-order more pictures-slow down and give Eli more of me-cook from scratch-learn to knit or crochet-and because Andy supports me so much and why the heck not...chase my dream job!

His hand

Soooooooooooo sweet when it rests on my thigh.......even tho he is moving so fast, learning, growing-he does need me. Even if just to rest on.

Dear Boys...

Dear Charley and Dear Henry,

Hi guys! How are you?
Remember at Christmas when Grandma Barb let us open a present together and we all got Toy Story (Buzz Light Year!) pajamas? I'm wearing mine today! Look at me!
When can we have a sleepover and wear them together?
Love,
Elijah
ps Mine are a little big still so I think I'll still be wearing them at Christmas. I have a hard time walking when the feet get all tangled.

Grace in the Small Things

1. Today I had a fun phone call. I got to talk to Henry! It was short, brief and not very wordy (like most men) but he is a big boy today as he managed his first night without his nuk. Go Henry go! I also got to talk to Charley who told me they got a new wooden entertainment center when I asked "What's new?" HA!

2. 3 day weekends-even if you are working all 3 days-they are still nice.

3. Cooler weather-it's cooling off and the sleep is soooo much better. We are very appreciative of the window air conditioning unit we were given but it only cools the upstairs. It's been sweaty all summer.

4. This weekend we got to spend some time with Uncle Matt and soon to be Aunt Erika. We competed with the wii and are all feeling it today!

5. A new breakfast spot-a little diner that is about 5 blocks away. The perfect spot to walk for a $5 breakfast!

6. A new favorite song: "Our Town" By James Taylor. I wanted to put it on my blog but couldn't find it. It's from the Cars soundtrack and it made me CRY as it was the perfect song to listen to as I read my sisters blog entry about "The Days are long, but the years are short". Visit www.fortheloveofnaps.blogspot.com to read it. If you have a child-you may get emotional as well.

7. Eli is walking more and more these days. He's finally into books. He's starting to carry toys around. He is done with the bottle (but still misses it). He can blow kisses. He slept longer the last 2 mornings. I am reminded daily that he is a total blessing in my life.

8. A good book-I could include this in all my grace entries. This time it's "The Heretics Daughter" and the 3rd Hunger Games book "The Mocking Jay".

Happy Weekend and Labor Day!

Shout Out

I'd like to give a shout out to all my girlfriends on this Friday night!

-Congrats to my friend who is a brand new home owner tonight! Enjoy your pizza and beer under YOUR new roof. Hope the move went smooth and see you in a month!

-SO excited for my friend who is getting married in 1 month! You will be SUCH a beautiful bride. Great dinner chat last night too :) Come again.

-To a GREAT friend who will send off a lil man to Kindergarten next week and who is growing a little bean inside! Can't wait. I think Lincoln or Lucy :) Miss all you guys.

-To my friend who got GREAT family photos this week. Such a beautiful family and I love all 4 of you! (and your 4 legged friend too!).

-To my friend so far away...down South-enjoying her husband and 2 pets! I miss you guys. Tiny dancer came on today and I thought of you.

-Congrats to my friend who got a new job this week-a dream job at that! And I hope your lil man is feeling better!

-To another great friend who is willing to help with Eli next week so I can get some cleaning done. I hope you know you're more important than just a baby/dog sitter!

-Hey friend who lent me a juicy book this week-thank you! Thanks for the fun e-mails and always understanding and sharing. Hope your enchilada casserole taste yummy tonite.Can't wait to hear your lil girl's CUTE lady-like giggle

-To a friend who moved out to Canada. You're missed already! Has it already been a week?! Wonder how settled you are. HA!

I hope you all know who you are! You help me through my days and I think about all of you all the time, even if I don't call or email or text :)