Sudan

Hi
Do you like to read?  I want to tell you about my book club and the amazing women who are and have been part it.  But I don't want to jinx it.  I was one of the four founders of this wonderful little bookclub.  Since we started it....maybe four years ago...we have lost and gained the best members.  We have read book after book.  I have stopped keeping my book case (on the right side of my blog) up to date. 

I have read dozens of books since I last updated it.

  This last month we read a book called "God Grew Tired of Us".  It wasn't just a fluff book (oh I also love those!) it was actually a memoir by John Bul Dau.  I don't claim to have any skills in geography-so this truly was a culture and geography lesson for me.  It was amazing.  I'm not sure I'd say it was the most well written book I've ever read- but it hit me in many ways.

This story is a true account that is summarised below (from Amazon.com):

Just 13 in 1987 when he was driven from his village and separated from his family in the raging civil war in southern Sudan, John Bul Dau spent years in refugee camps in Ethiopia and Kenya, until in 2001 he came to the U.S. as one of 4,000 Lost Boys of Sudan. His memoir is the subject of a new, award-winning documentary film. Like Deng's They Poured Fire on Us from the Sky (2005), this is a stark, first-person account of trauma and survival. Dau tells it quietly, in fast, simple prose true to the young teen's viewpoint. He's funny about the culture shock in America and honest about his years in the camp, even the fact that, trauma notwithstanding, he liked being tabbed as a leader. Although appreciative of this country and the chance for work and college, he never denies his connections to Africa. Unforgettable photos document his reunion--after 19 years--with family he did not know were alive.

The first part describes how John got separated from his family during a middle of the night vicious attack and how he survived traveling thousands of miles with his best friends dad.  No shoes. No food. No water.  No family.  And I thought my life was hard.

The second part is how the US supported his move to America.  I loved reading how his first experiences of real freedom were liberating and frightening.  America is all I've ever really known.  Traveling to another country cannot be anything like truly moving yourself without any family, friends, money or real emotional support system.  This guy didn't even have (real blood) family (that he knew of at the time) back at home he could count on for a phone call.  Therefore I could not understand some of the things that he went through or how he felt at the time. 

So I dug a little further.  I convinced Andy to watch the movie version of the book with me.  The movie follows 3 of the refugees' trek to the US.  It was amazing.  It made us chuckle to watch them wonder about the pilot talking over the speaker, tripping over the escalator, getting a lesson about garbage cans, light switches and shower heads.  The first trip to the grocery store was interesting as they slowly took a bite of a donut, poked at a balloon and asked if things were edible.

 But the part that was most eye opening to me was what I learned about America.  John points out that America is so different from where he came from.  Everyone here is always alone.  I didn't agree with that when he wrote that....at first. But he compared the days and nights in Africa to the ones here.  In Africa he lived in a refugee camp where there were literally thousands of others in his same shoes (or lack of for that matter). No real blood family. No food for days at a time.  No real jobs and years before real education was available.   Instead-they were truly one big family who got together to worship, talk, laugh, play soccer, sing and dance.  That makes their life sound stress free and it was most certainly anything but.  But they were open to others.  They talked to anyone and everyone.  They were equals with goals of survival.

In the movie he points out that everyone in America is working all day.  When they get off of work they don't spend time with their family. They travel home from work and get things done.  Or they spend time doing something other than "being together".  And they aren't nice to each other.  If you are in a city it isn't polite to ask a stranger a question. They may ignore you or give you a smart remark.  People don't strike up conversation while they stand in line or sit at the park watching their kids. Many may thing it is undesirable to make small talk with someone they don't know, even if just for a short time.  Eye contact, genuine smiles and small acts of kindness aren't expected.  They are extra.

It hit me.

Today when I got to work I realized that 2 people stole my parking spot before I could pull in.  Who was being ruthless? Was it those who stole the spot, looking the other way while I muttered under my breath? Or was it me, not being understanding because they were probably late to punch in for their job.  So I reminded myself the reason that someone might steal the spot.  Maybe they had been driving around and they saw the spot well before me.  Maybe it looked like I was stealing their spot.  Maybe it comes down to just being in a hurry.   They were running late because of all the other things that were happening that morning and they were about to be 2 minutes late to work.  If that happens multiple times they could lose their job. Why is it that the majority of jobs in America are so time sensitive when they don't need to be?  A starting time and an ending time so specific that if you punch in 1 minute late you will be considered tardy and could get written up.  Do employers actually think the mental state the employee is in rushing to get there at that minute will allow them to be mentally ready to fully accomplish the job...at that one specific minute?  Is the job really that time sensitive?  It is more important that you are standing therein your uniform on that specific minute, than if you are mentally ready to accomplish that days tasks.  

But if people are late they could lose their job.   If they lose their job they could lose their house and their car and their family, their dignity, their whole life.  Our lives revolve around money.  The safety net we need to be "stable" (aka happy in some minds).  We have to have jobs and spend time making money.  It is so sad to me that I realize that some people behave a specific way because money equals life to them.  I often find myself as one of those people. And it makes me sad day to day when I dig deep and realize those things and can't make the change.

I grew up this way. In America.  I've seen my friends, family and colleagues all be this same way.  Americans.  Worried about time and money and jobs and accomplishments and tasks and moving ahead.  Less worried about the connections, friendships, eye contact and genuineness of themselves.  I agree with John.  And it makes me sad that we are this way.  I want to change myself even if I am just one out of a billion.  I want to be that person who is genuinely willing to help someone, not because I feel like someone is watching, or that I should or that they expect it. I want to make more eye contact. More smiles. More hellos and goodbyes-see you tomorrows that are genuine.  Can I do this?  Those lost boys in Africa did everything and I mean EVERYTHING they could just to survive. To stay alive and physically survive.  Is that all I am doing? Am I just trying to stay alive? Or am I missing out on the real living because I only focus on the financially survival aspect of life?  It frightens me.

Who has been to Africa?  Tell me what you know-tell me about it.  Please-I doubt I'll ever get there.