The Specialist

Last night was the worst. It was almost as if he was bucking the system.  He was mad that we took him to a specialist.  We got a glimpse of the future.  This is how I imagine a teenager would react.
-Don't try to figure me out. Just let me do my thing.  IIIIIIII'llllll do it. 

Uh-uh little boy.  We need to figure this out.  This mama needs her sleep. 
But last night was really stressful.
After a 5 page sleep/eating/lifestyle questionnaire and much interviewing from the doctor, we found out that everything appears normal.  I went right to work after the appointment and when I came home exhausted he decided to wake every 5 minutes for at least two hours.  I know you think I'm exaggerating.  I'm not.  Sometimes he would cry for 30 seconds, sometimes it lasted 10 minutes, therefore I don't think it was a full 24 wakings in 2 hours but very very close. 

It pullllled at my heartstrings.  But it caused my teeth to grit grit grit.   There wasn't a whole lot of poking or prodding at the appointment so there couldn't be any new pain.  Was he over tired? Is he still teething?  Were his jammies pulling in a funny spot? Did he lose his nuk?  Was his tummy bothering him?

It wasn't much different than (every) previous night. It was just worse.  Instead of every 20-45 minutes, it was every 5 minutes.  I listened with a glistening glass of wine in my hand. But I could not relax. 

I reminded myself of what the specialist said.  This is normal.  We all wake up 6-8 times a night. However we all know how to self soothe and turn over comfortably.  They even informed us that it's normal for him to wake up 9 times in the first 3 hours (which is what we came up with when we tracked his waking periods the other night).  Therefore last night Andy and I were supposed to feel normal after 15-24 wakings in 2 hours. Right? I tried to remind myself of all the things that the doctor said-she thought we were such a nice, normal couple. She actually told us that!  Compared to other families they see-we are doing alllll the right things.  We didn't get a single suggestion.  Just confirmation that this is what we will live with for the time being.

It's always good to walk away with a clean bill of health. I won't overlook that.  I was relieved that there wasn't any extra testing ordered --because I've been through all that with big brother and I don't want to find anything else out.  It is what it is.  So watch out world-be prepared that sleep deprivation for this mama---may last a while longer.  Can I make it through the holidays where we will share a room with this little zombie for multiple nights in a row?  I wonder if I could be a better mama to big brother, a better wife, a better employee, friend, daughter, sister and Raina if I had a few weeks of uninterrupted sleep.

Please, please, please don't give up on me.  Hold tight.  I'll be back. The me that you know-she's still in there.   He'll be there too-well rested and smiling (and probably a full mouthful of teeth to go along with it).  I long for that day that I wake up and look at the clock and smile realizing I slept a good few hours in a row.  All I want for Christmas is.....8 hours of sleep. In a row. For 8 days in a row!