Sunday in Pictures

This weekend:

Ready....Set....Go!

Boys

Beach

Bike
Broom

Bliss

Beautiful weather
Blessed

We had so much fun. I had so much fun.  The Sunday blues haven't hit yet.  There wasn't time for them.  They will probably start creeping up while I lay in the dark listening to the storm coming tonight.  It probably will feel tough to breathe and I'll start to feel anxious and sad.  So I might just keep this blog post popped up on my lap top so I can stare at it and remember the fun we had all weekend and mostly today.

Eli smelled like sun screen all weekend and I loved it.
It prepared me for our vacation up north which isn't for a few months but I always let myself get psyched for weeks in advance. 

This morning we went out on an excursion pretty early.  We got distracted and ended up down by the lake where there was a play ground, seagulls, a lake and sand. (I wasn't prepared for all of this so I didn't shower-just throwing that out there before I post any pictures).  We stopped at Whole Foods and didn't buy a thing-just looked at all the beautiful food.  We came home and played in the backyard.  Ate lunch, took naps and went for a bike ride (Eli's first!).  Eli took a trip to the store with daddy, ate dinner, took a bath where he got scrubbed deep and cleaned up toys. 

Eli is fast asleep in bed.  He spent yesterday with his Roeder side relatives and had quite the day.  He should be exhausted but he is always raring to go in the morning.  I'm so glad he has no such thing as the Sunday blues.



Sorry I didn't do my hair but Andy and I love the sky line in the background



I loved this....Eli did too! (Running and scaring the seagulls)

Thanks for the broom Grandma Barb!

5/19/11

 Dear Eli,

Every year I wait for this day.  I can tell a few days before that it will bloom. I know the day that it does actually open up I will pull into the driveway after work with a bigger smile than the day before.  I will drag you and your dad outside to do a photo shoot. 

 I vow to capture you year to year-in or around or under this tree.  Maybe some year you will be standing with mom or dad or a friend, or a girlfriend or even your own child if we decide to stay in this house that long. 

 I know each year you will be verging on turning one year older and your personality will be changing.  You will be more capable, more creative, more YOU. This year you are almost 2.

 And that is the most exciting part.  It saddens me that little you is growing up so fast in to big you.  But that is the way life goes right Bug?  Promise me you'll sit under or in this tree for me for years and years with your beautiful smile. 

Love Mama

Sudan

Hi
Do you like to read?  I want to tell you about my book club and the amazing women who are and have been part it.  But I don't want to jinx it.  I was one of the four founders of this wonderful little bookclub.  Since we started it....maybe four years ago...we have lost and gained the best members.  We have read book after book.  I have stopped keeping my book case (on the right side of my blog) up to date. 

I have read dozens of books since I last updated it.

  This last month we read a book called "God Grew Tired of Us".  It wasn't just a fluff book (oh I also love those!) it was actually a memoir by John Bul Dau.  I don't claim to have any skills in geography-so this truly was a culture and geography lesson for me.  It was amazing.  I'm not sure I'd say it was the most well written book I've ever read- but it hit me in many ways.

This story is a true account that is summarised below (from Amazon.com):

Just 13 in 1987 when he was driven from his village and separated from his family in the raging civil war in southern Sudan, John Bul Dau spent years in refugee camps in Ethiopia and Kenya, until in 2001 he came to the U.S. as one of 4,000 Lost Boys of Sudan. His memoir is the subject of a new, award-winning documentary film. Like Deng's They Poured Fire on Us from the Sky (2005), this is a stark, first-person account of trauma and survival. Dau tells it quietly, in fast, simple prose true to the young teen's viewpoint. He's funny about the culture shock in America and honest about his years in the camp, even the fact that, trauma notwithstanding, he liked being tabbed as a leader. Although appreciative of this country and the chance for work and college, he never denies his connections to Africa. Unforgettable photos document his reunion--after 19 years--with family he did not know were alive.

The first part describes how John got separated from his family during a middle of the night vicious attack and how he survived traveling thousands of miles with his best friends dad.  No shoes. No food. No water.  No family.  And I thought my life was hard.

The second part is how the US supported his move to America.  I loved reading how his first experiences of real freedom were liberating and frightening.  America is all I've ever really known.  Traveling to another country cannot be anything like truly moving yourself without any family, friends, money or real emotional support system.  This guy didn't even have (real blood) family (that he knew of at the time) back at home he could count on for a phone call.  Therefore I could not understand some of the things that he went through or how he felt at the time. 

So I dug a little further.  I convinced Andy to watch the movie version of the book with me.  The movie follows 3 of the refugees' trek to the US.  It was amazing.  It made us chuckle to watch them wonder about the pilot talking over the speaker, tripping over the escalator, getting a lesson about garbage cans, light switches and shower heads.  The first trip to the grocery store was interesting as they slowly took a bite of a donut, poked at a balloon and asked if things were edible.

 But the part that was most eye opening to me was what I learned about America.  John points out that America is so different from where he came from.  Everyone here is always alone.  I didn't agree with that when he wrote that....at first. But he compared the days and nights in Africa to the ones here.  In Africa he lived in a refugee camp where there were literally thousands of others in his same shoes (or lack of for that matter). No real blood family. No food for days at a time.  No real jobs and years before real education was available.   Instead-they were truly one big family who got together to worship, talk, laugh, play soccer, sing and dance.  That makes their life sound stress free and it was most certainly anything but.  But they were open to others.  They talked to anyone and everyone.  They were equals with goals of survival.

In the movie he points out that everyone in America is working all day.  When they get off of work they don't spend time with their family. They travel home from work and get things done.  Or they spend time doing something other than "being together".  And they aren't nice to each other.  If you are in a city it isn't polite to ask a stranger a question. They may ignore you or give you a smart remark.  People don't strike up conversation while they stand in line or sit at the park watching their kids. Many may thing it is undesirable to make small talk with someone they don't know, even if just for a short time.  Eye contact, genuine smiles and small acts of kindness aren't expected.  They are extra.

It hit me.

Today when I got to work I realized that 2 people stole my parking spot before I could pull in.  Who was being ruthless? Was it those who stole the spot, looking the other way while I muttered under my breath? Or was it me, not being understanding because they were probably late to punch in for their job.  So I reminded myself the reason that someone might steal the spot.  Maybe they had been driving around and they saw the spot well before me.  Maybe it looked like I was stealing their spot.  Maybe it comes down to just being in a hurry.   They were running late because of all the other things that were happening that morning and they were about to be 2 minutes late to work.  If that happens multiple times they could lose their job. Why is it that the majority of jobs in America are so time sensitive when they don't need to be?  A starting time and an ending time so specific that if you punch in 1 minute late you will be considered tardy and could get written up.  Do employers actually think the mental state the employee is in rushing to get there at that minute will allow them to be mentally ready to fully accomplish the job...at that one specific minute?  Is the job really that time sensitive?  It is more important that you are standing therein your uniform on that specific minute, than if you are mentally ready to accomplish that days tasks.  

But if people are late they could lose their job.   If they lose their job they could lose their house and their car and their family, their dignity, their whole life.  Our lives revolve around money.  The safety net we need to be "stable" (aka happy in some minds).  We have to have jobs and spend time making money.  It is so sad to me that I realize that some people behave a specific way because money equals life to them.  I often find myself as one of those people. And it makes me sad day to day when I dig deep and realize those things and can't make the change.

I grew up this way. In America.  I've seen my friends, family and colleagues all be this same way.  Americans.  Worried about time and money and jobs and accomplishments and tasks and moving ahead.  Less worried about the connections, friendships, eye contact and genuineness of themselves.  I agree with John.  And it makes me sad that we are this way.  I want to change myself even if I am just one out of a billion.  I want to be that person who is genuinely willing to help someone, not because I feel like someone is watching, or that I should or that they expect it. I want to make more eye contact. More smiles. More hellos and goodbyes-see you tomorrows that are genuine.  Can I do this?  Those lost boys in Africa did everything and I mean EVERYTHING they could just to survive. To stay alive and physically survive.  Is that all I am doing? Am I just trying to stay alive? Or am I missing out on the real living because I only focus on the financially survival aspect of life?  It frightens me.

Who has been to Africa?  Tell me what you know-tell me about it.  Please-I doubt I'll ever get there. 

Makeover

Today he went from this..............

Almost 2 year old baby boy

 To this!  ("This" may not seem like much to you, but if you have seen him after a nap or in the morning, you'd realize that this is a big change!)

 

Almost 2 year old BIG boy.

It was harder than I thought it would be.  This second haircut was harder than the first time around because she cut more off. Eli didn't wiggle or cry.  (Mamma did that for him).

Love

Andy and I aren't big gift givers on Mother's Day and Father's Day. We do believe in "doing" things for each other on those special days.  For example, this Mother's day, I GOT to sleep in, take a nap, go to the zoo, pick dinner, go to a movie, get a back and foot massage and more.  Today, I was lucky enough to get another Mother's Day present.  And this one.....not from Andy but from a very important friend in my life.  She is another mother who understands not just how difficult it is to be a mother, but the joys and deep connections that go along with it.  This friend knows me.  She knows most of my ins and outs-like what my favorite foods are, fears and anxieties, favorite past times, what I cherish and what is important to me.  This friend is irreplaceable.  

Today she stopped over out of the blue and gave me a late Mother's Day present.  It was perfect. Special. Delicate. Emotional. Thoughtful.  A splurge. Something I probably wouldn't have done for myself although have wanted to.  It is something that means "forever" to me, which is just about perfect since the day my first son was born was the new start of forever for me.

THANKS PW.  Amazing.

Quotes

Is it a cliche to post motherhood quotes on Mother's Day?  I don't care...my mom left these for me on my dining room table today.  Special to me.  Just like so many other things today.

"Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother." -Lin Yutang, Chinese writer

He talked about Thomas all day at the zoo....then we finally got to ride!

Pitter Patter

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.  -Rajneesh

Who is getting more pleasure from this rocking, the baby or me? Nancy Thayer, author

Not Quite Mother's Day...

Almost everything I've learned about being a mom is from other moms. Oh yeah-and from plain old experience-which means most times it's 2 seconds too late.  But I love that.  I love the little slap on the forehead that I do when I realize that I shoulda, coulda, woulda....

Here are a few things I know about motherhood that you may or may not agree with...

1. On Mother's Day-all I want is to spend time with my child and my own mother/mother in law.

2. On Mother's Day-all I want is quiet, sleep and time alone.  And I can't really decide between #1 and #2 when someone asks me what I want to do.

3.  I don't mind changing diapers. For some reason-probably because I'm a dietitian and I talk about bowel movements all day-it just doesn't really bother me.  Maybe it's because I change 1-2 a day since Eli is in day care and it's a special moment when I get to talk to Eli and stare into his beautiful blues.

4. Every mom does it different. But every mom wants to know how you did it.

5.  I don't believe in some things that were done years ago, and I don't believe in some of the things that are done today.

6. I think every mom has the RIGHT to believe her children are the cutest, smartest and most special kids out there. 

7. Most mom's compare their children to others.  We will find a reason to judge ourselves or other mom's. But we don't mean it. We just want our kids to fit in, be at the right stage at the right time and to fit in-the ultimate: Happiness for them brings happiness to us.  Deep down I wish we could all accept that there are things about our children that we can't control and it's not our fault-but our children WILL (walk, talk, laugh, add, subtract, ride a bike) BE OK.

8.  I wish I could remember all the moments I had with my mom.  And I regret all the 'stuff ' I did when I didn't know that I was doing it.  And also those things that I did because I was selfish.

9.  Worry= being a mom.  You've never known TRUE worry until you have a child.

10.  No matter how much complaining I do, no matter how tired I am, no matter how much it scares me...no matter what-I want a bigger family and more kids.  I want to be a mom forever.

That being said I want to shout out to all my fellow mom's out there.  Whether I know you or not...even if we aren't close or I talk to you every day-Thank you-for being a mom and I hope you know that other mom's understand how much work you put into your every movement every single day. 

To my mommy friend that I need to talk to every day: PW- I have learned SO much from you. You have given me so much.  You are always there to chat, talk, email, text or OFFER OFFER OFFER.  Advice, play dates, venting sessions-whatever I need.  You have done it all before me and I learn from you-which makes me feel strong.  And everyone knows that a friend that makes you feel better about yourself is a friend for life.  You are oh-so giving. Your kiddos are totally wonderful and special to me.  We were meant to be.

To my special working mom-friend: JG-I think about you on a daily basis and realize that I could never be you.  I don't know how you do it.  You do so much for that adorable little girl.  The love you have for her is one of the most intense mommy-loves I've ever encountered and it hits be like a ton of bricks every day when you leave from working a full day and take on SO much every night.  Thanks for sharing so many mommy stories.

To my almost mom-friend: M(g)R- I am SO excited for you.  You and your hubby are going to be such a great set of parents. I can't wait to see if that baby girl will have blond curls and your smile that lights up when you get excited.  I already can't wait to share a beer with your little girl when she turns 21.  I'm excited for your amazing journey you are about to embark on.  I'm here for you!

To my friend who struggles but has "that kid": TH:     You. Are. The. Strongest. Mom. that I know.  I don't have words to describe how and what I think of you.  But it's often....

To my mother in law: CR: you taught your son so much-and most importantly-you taught him to love and show his unconditional passion for being a father.  Thank you. 

The my mom friend I don't see enough: CF: you're little boy is so darn cute. I can't help it-I want to squeeze him and know him.  I have loved sharing and hearing stories. You have been one person who has said things that bring me to tears about being a mom and about the struggles that go along with health issues and little boys, as well as working full time as a mom.  I adore our friendship.

To my other mom friends near and far, far and wide: COC, DT, JN, TH, KR, AK, DM, KS, NY, SZ, KK and more....Thank you for being you, for teaching me, and listening to me and being YOU for your kids.  And CHEERS to my friends that are mom's to be: LM and SB.

To my sister: I dream of being a mom like you.  I know I can't. I have learned oh-so-much from you. I adore the mom you are.  You just seem to know how to do it.  You make everything look perfect even though I know deep down nothing is every perfect anywhere.  But you pull it out, pull it together and pull a fast one past 'em.  I love your kiddos to the moon and back.  I want to be like you, dress like you, be a mom like you-isn't that what a big sister is for?  Thank you is all I can say.  You do so much for me that you don't even know...and I need it. 

To my mom: I don't even have the words. Of course. You get the short end of the stick.  Haha JK.
Thank you for every single second you spent with me-from day 1 to day 30 years+, and for every moment you DIDN'T spend with me letting me become Raina and for letting me build independence.  I love the moments I see between you and your grandchildren, with dad and as a friend.  You are helpful, funny, independent, smart and everyones best friend.  I can't compete.  I only hope to ever be as good as you have been to Sarah, Greg and I.  As well as to Charley, Henry, Sydney and Eli and others to come someday (maybe?).  From "Today's Special" to "felicity" to "Survivor" to every single phone call you listened to, every email you answered when you were really too busy doing something else, to every gluten free (passion) recipe you've tried and read.  And mostly-for every single second you worried about me.  Now I know that most worry means you love and care and I know all about it now.  Thanks for always showing up on time and cheering for me at every game you sat in the stands for.  Thanks for talking books, boys, cars, insurance, health, friends, family and food with me.   For Vegas, cheersing wine, taking pictures, writing lists, teaching me that weddings are for dancing, and bringing me Up North every year.  You are SERIOUSLY irreplaceable in my life.

Love to ALL you mom's.