You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.
~ Christopher Columbus
Anyone who knows me knows....I keep one toe on shore at all times (and I don't mean that in the literal sense). Safe would be a good middle name for me. Cautious too. I hope someday, even if it takes until I'm 62, that I can jump off the dock or the edge and have faith that the shore is there and the shore is supportive but that I can cross that lake (I hate salt water) without it in sight.
Remind me of this friends.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Hungry
Ok....I wasn't sure if I could post this picture. I wonder if Elijah will ever be mad at me. But I couldn't help but snap a shot at this moment. It almost looks like a serene moment.
A boy.
Staring out the window.
After all his clothes have been removed.
He's in a total comfort zone.
But that's not the case. He is like a woman. So moody around 4-6 pm. He cried and cried and cried. Hard. And he couldn't tell us what he wanted. It was only 4:30. With the time change we've been trying to keep him up later so we get a little extra time with him at night. But he has an obsession with that or that and he has "break downs". He stands, drools and cries as if it's the end of the world. He is too young to reason with. Trust me, we try. He has no concept of time (later, we did that already, we'll do it after dinner etc). Tonight he just wanted to go outside. And he cried hard about it (we had already been on a cold walk). He also always wants "more colors" or "down" in the basement. So we got him ready for his bath and he ran to the window. The picture makes it look like a cute naked picture. But really he is throwing one of the biggest fits I have ever observed by him.
He did finally take his bath but he had fit after fit in the tub. We took him out and gave him dinner. It was 5:15. Man....did he eat! And now....at 6:00 he is a different boy. Love it. He's humming content-boy-hums and stomping around happily. He keeps checking for us to smile at him for satisfaction. No more tears. No more fits. He was hungry. WHAT A WOMAN!
A boy.
Staring out the window.
After all his clothes have been removed.
He's in a total comfort zone.
But that's not the case. He is like a woman. So moody around 4-6 pm. He cried and cried and cried. Hard. And he couldn't tell us what he wanted. It was only 4:30. With the time change we've been trying to keep him up later so we get a little extra time with him at night. But he has an obsession with that or that and he has "break downs". He stands, drools and cries as if it's the end of the world. He is too young to reason with. Trust me, we try. He has no concept of time (later, we did that already, we'll do it after dinner etc). Tonight he just wanted to go outside. And he cried hard about it (we had already been on a cold walk). He also always wants "more colors" or "down" in the basement. So we got him ready for his bath and he ran to the window. The picture makes it look like a cute naked picture. But really he is throwing one of the biggest fits I have ever observed by him.
He did finally take his bath but he had fit after fit in the tub. We took him out and gave him dinner. It was 5:15. Man....did he eat! And now....at 6:00 he is a different boy. Love it. He's humming content-boy-hums and stomping around happily. He keeps checking for us to smile at him for satisfaction. No more tears. No more fits. He was hungry. WHAT A WOMAN!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Sunshine
The first song on my blog holds a special place in my heart. "You Are My Sunshine" is a song I sang over and over and over to this tiny little man when he was first born. I have a TERRIBLE voice (trust me). But I wanted him to know me, by scent, sound and comfort. It took me a while to get up the guts. I knew the nurses and doctors could all hear me. I knew the other babies could hear me. But heck, their mom's weren't always there and maybe they needed a little comfort while they fought to get well.
I sang this when Eli was sleeping, crying, nursing and when he was confused about what was happening ( new iv's in the arm/hand or foot, taking temperatures, changing sticky pads for checking heart rate and blood oxygen levels, blood draws for labs, glucose or bood counts, car seat tests, new medicines and physical exams by medical students, doctors, nurses, residents etc).
The version I really like is by Johnny Bregar. You can hear it HERE (I dare you to listen and not fall in love). But I couldn't get it on my player so I think the version on my blog is acceptable too.
I hope E-bugs loved it as much as I loved it.
I'll never forget how brave Eli was. Never.
Judgement Day
I spend my day being judged....
EVERYONE is ALWAYS thinking about me. When they come to work, they've been wondering about me all morning. When they leave work at night, they think about me all night long. They probably talk about me with their family. Most people are going to look at my outfit and think about the color and if it's right for me. Some will think-that is too small. That is way to big. She needs her hair cut. She is going to eat that? She said what? She is not as smart as me. She does not have her act together. She is too dramatic. She worries too much. She doesn't have enough friends. She is not very organized.
That was no good. That made no sense. That didn't matter. Is she mad? Do they think I did the wrong thing?
OK-That is sarcastic of course (nobody is really thinking about me all that much). But I spend WAY too much time wondering if I'm accepted or if people think negative things about me. I am aware it is such a waste of time. I realize it's not worth it. Most of those people that I'm afraid are judging me are probably not even thinking about me at all! But it's hard for me to get away from this worry.
The reason I am bringing this up is because I have a big fear that people are going to judge me for something that is not even really "me". Recently I had a few good friends comment on a song I had on my blog. I don't change the music that often but I bug my sister all the time to change hers because I listen to her music daily and I love to hear new stuff. I never thought twice that maybe someone was waiting for me to change my songs.
My friends meant nothing, no harm, no judgement. But it opened my eyes that someone, any reader, could judge me on music or pictures or words that I put on my blog. I guess that is the risk you take when you blog.
Last night I added quite a few songs to my blog. And just so you CAN'T judge me, I won't explain any of the songs except one (see next blog post). But for all you readers out there I just want you to know that some songs were added because I have a personal connection to the song. Others were added because I love the artist. Some I just like the sound. Some it may be the lyrics. A few songs were added JUST BECAUSE. You will never know. That is something that is locked inside of me and cannot be judged no matter what. Of course YOU won't judge me but the important thing is for me to feel like I won't be judged.
Yes I like oldies, I listen to my share of country music. I've always been a mellow girl. I have a few favorite artists. I connect to some lyrics and others it's a beat I can bounce to. I changed the setting so that you have to press play now, so the same annoying song won't play over and over and over for you if you want it silent. So listen. Or don't listen. And I can just relax and change the music in a few weeks. If you want to hear something-give me a request and I'll add it. Leave it in the comments and I'll add it for YOU!
EVERYONE is ALWAYS thinking about me. When they come to work, they've been wondering about me all morning. When they leave work at night, they think about me all night long. They probably talk about me with their family. Most people are going to look at my outfit and think about the color and if it's right for me. Some will think-that is too small. That is way to big. She needs her hair cut. She is going to eat that? She said what? She is not as smart as me. She does not have her act together. She is too dramatic. She worries too much. She doesn't have enough friends. She is not very organized.
That was no good. That made no sense. That didn't matter. Is she mad? Do they think I did the wrong thing?
OK-That is sarcastic of course (nobody is really thinking about me all that much). But I spend WAY too much time wondering if I'm accepted or if people think negative things about me. I am aware it is such a waste of time. I realize it's not worth it. Most of those people that I'm afraid are judging me are probably not even thinking about me at all! But it's hard for me to get away from this worry.
The reason I am bringing this up is because I have a big fear that people are going to judge me for something that is not even really "me". Recently I had a few good friends comment on a song I had on my blog. I don't change the music that often but I bug my sister all the time to change hers because I listen to her music daily and I love to hear new stuff. I never thought twice that maybe someone was waiting for me to change my songs.
My friends meant nothing, no harm, no judgement. But it opened my eyes that someone, any reader, could judge me on music or pictures or words that I put on my blog. I guess that is the risk you take when you blog.
Last night I added quite a few songs to my blog. And just so you CAN'T judge me, I won't explain any of the songs except one (see next blog post). But for all you readers out there I just want you to know that some songs were added because I have a personal connection to the song. Others were added because I love the artist. Some I just like the sound. Some it may be the lyrics. A few songs were added JUST BECAUSE. You will never know. That is something that is locked inside of me and cannot be judged no matter what. Of course YOU won't judge me but the important thing is for me to feel like I won't be judged.
Yes I like oldies, I listen to my share of country music. I've always been a mellow girl. I have a few favorite artists. I connect to some lyrics and others it's a beat I can bounce to. I changed the setting so that you have to press play now, so the same annoying song won't play over and over and over for you if you want it silent. So listen. Or don't listen. And I can just relax and change the music in a few weeks. If you want to hear something-give me a request and I'll add it. Leave it in the comments and I'll add it for YOU!
A few good girls
Friends are good for the soul.....
I always tell my girl friends who are also mother's, that besides being a wife and a mother, a daughter and a sister, a cousin, a co-worker, we are also OURSELVES. I am also Raina. Not just Eli's mom, Andy's wife, Barb's daughter. I have a job to do besides be a dietitian.
My other job is to be me. To have me time. To let loose. To enjoy myself-by myself or with others.
Good thing I have friends that ALSO need to remember that about themselves.
I'm sure you can imagine the wide range of "girl talk" topics that we got through this night.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Dear Uncle Greg and Liz,
I've learned to dip and right now I'm dipping mommy's gluten free pretzels. But the most important thing is that I am dipping them into hummus. I know you have a love and passion for hummus which runs deep. I know if we hang out, I'll have to compete with you to finish the container. See how I dip while I am mid-chew?
Game on!
Love, Elijah
Game on!
Love, Elijah
Monday, March 21, 2011
Out with the old...In with the new
It smells new in here!
Before:
 |
| The stove (which is more of an eye sore-the old stove or the microwave?) |
 |
| The old dishwasher that didn't work |
 |
| The Loveseat-our only couch. We could never even sit on this as a family comfortably because this couch sits only 2 people. New  |
 |
 |
| My favorite is that you can actually see what is baking in the oven and also we can now fit in a full size cookie sheet (before the door would be wedged open) We are one step closer to our house becomming a home. No, THINGS don't make a HOME. But we are more comfortable, clean, quiet, organized, cuddled togther etc. |
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