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Today I emailed my sister about my experience taking Hughie to his 9 month doctor appoinment. It was a pretty benign appointment except for the emotionally scarring (for me) blood draw at the end.  I ended up writing less about Hugh and more about his older brother.  I had to drag Eli along for the appointment and I am always quite anxious about this.  I explained to Eli in the car the rules-that this was an appointment for Hughie and my listening ears were screwed in tight so I could hear all that Dr. B needed to say.  The email to my sister went into greater detail about Eli in the waiting room, in his glory-gobbling humus off his fingers.  Maybe it was the way I described the situation but it most likely had to do with the stories she has heard about him lately (some more humorous than others) but she responded "Hilarious. What I'm looking forward to for Thanksgiving is Eli. Just Sayin".

That comment in her email made my day. Eli is a complete joy. He has such a little magic about him. He has a spark with spunk. But he sucks the life out of me some days because he says my name too many times in one breath and is so busy busy busy. To have someone else say they were looking forward to seeing him--made me happy. And I bet my sister didn't even know how that her one small comment oozed right into my heart.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone is thinking about me.  Do you ever think about that?  I spend my day thinking about so much stuff and my mind often wanders over to friends and family.  Some more than others, but always everyone. Eventually everyone crosses my mind.

 And just when I'm feeling low, down, tired, sad....someone thinks of me and lets me know it. They may not even know that their small gesture made my day, but it does.  A small text, a random e-mail, a phone call, a letter in the mail etc.  One day I got an email from my sister in law who I will be finally getting to see this weekend and all she wanted to say was that she was excited to hang out with my sister and I.  Who doesn't love to get that?  Sometimes it's a text from a friend who is having a rough day and just wants to vent. Other times it's a message from a friend in Texas who is just checking in.    Sometimes someone sends a picture that they want to share with me.  It's important. And it's easy.

So as I read all the blog posts and facebook status updates about what others are thankful for, I just want to take a minute to also be extra thankful-for all the people in my life. ALL of them.  And I want to give you a little reminder.  It doesn't get old to hear someone say thank you-so say it more often.  It never hurts to tell someone you are thinking of them-so make the effort-even if it's a fleeting thought.  They may be having a terrible day, an ok day, or a great day.  But to get a hi, hello, how are you, I am thinking of you...may just make someones day.  Be aware of how far your small gesture could go. It may pull someone out of bed, out of the hole or funk they are in.  It may remind them what they are worth, that they aren't alone and that they should pay it forward by reaching out to someone as well.  I've spent some time with numerous lonely patients at work.  Sometimes the rapport I form with them is not through the nutrition advice I give them, but the instead the attention I give them when they are alone, scared and sick.  Sometimes it's awkward, sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's frustrating-but that extra step you can take to tell someone that their name and face walked through your mind---is worth so much.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. 

Eat your way through the day.

(Hughie's 9 month update will be coming after the Holiday).

The Specialist

Last night was the worst. It was almost as if he was bucking the system.  He was mad that we took him to a specialist.  We got a glimpse of the future.  This is how I imagine a teenager would react.
-Don't try to figure me out. Just let me do my thing.  IIIIIIII'llllll do it. 

Uh-uh little boy.  We need to figure this out.  This mama needs her sleep. 
But last night was really stressful.
After a 5 page sleep/eating/lifestyle questionnaire and much interviewing from the doctor, we found out that everything appears normal.  I went right to work after the appointment and when I came home exhausted he decided to wake every 5 minutes for at least two hours.  I know you think I'm exaggerating.  I'm not.  Sometimes he would cry for 30 seconds, sometimes it lasted 10 minutes, therefore I don't think it was a full 24 wakings in 2 hours but very very close. 

It pullllled at my heartstrings.  But it caused my teeth to grit grit grit.   There wasn't a whole lot of poking or prodding at the appointment so there couldn't be any new pain.  Was he over tired? Is he still teething?  Were his jammies pulling in a funny spot? Did he lose his nuk?  Was his tummy bothering him?

It wasn't much different than (every) previous night. It was just worse.  Instead of every 20-45 minutes, it was every 5 minutes.  I listened with a glistening glass of wine in my hand. But I could not relax. 

I reminded myself of what the specialist said.  This is normal.  We all wake up 6-8 times a night. However we all know how to self soothe and turn over comfortably.  They even informed us that it's normal for him to wake up 9 times in the first 3 hours (which is what we came up with when we tracked his waking periods the other night).  Therefore last night Andy and I were supposed to feel normal after 15-24 wakings in 2 hours. Right? I tried to remind myself of all the things that the doctor said-she thought we were such a nice, normal couple. She actually told us that!  Compared to other families they see-we are doing alllll the right things.  We didn't get a single suggestion.  Just confirmation that this is what we will live with for the time being.

It's always good to walk away with a clean bill of health. I won't overlook that.  I was relieved that there wasn't any extra testing ordered --because I've been through all that with big brother and I don't want to find anything else out.  It is what it is.  So watch out world-be prepared that sleep deprivation for this mama---may last a while longer.  Can I make it through the holidays where we will share a room with this little zombie for multiple nights in a row?  I wonder if I could be a better mama to big brother, a better wife, a better employee, friend, daughter, sister and Raina if I had a few weeks of uninterrupted sleep.

Please, please, please don't give up on me.  Hold tight.  I'll be back. The me that you know-she's still in there.   He'll be there too-well rested and smiling (and probably a full mouthful of teeth to go along with it).  I long for that day that I wake up and look at the clock and smile realizing I slept a good few hours in a row.  All I want for Christmas is.....8 hours of sleep. In a row. For 8 days in a row!

Bottom Line

The work I do is emotionally draining.  I have learned not to let too many in.  But a few slip in and when they don't make it through Christmas I struggle.
I have good job security and I love being part time.
Bottom line: I hate this disease.

I'm frustrated because I can't get a handle on lil Hugh's sleep issues.
Tomorrow we will visit a sleep disturbance, deprivation, disorder clinic where we hope a specialist can shed some light on what is happening all--night---long.
Bottom line: I'm tired.

 I adore nursing.
I hate pumping.
I am losing my supply.
Bottom line: Will I have the opportunity to do this again?



 

We have had so much fun borrowing a video monitor to watch what was going on with Hughie at night.  Now we are attempting to watch Eli and catch him in the "act"at night.  He usually gives us a REAL run for our money.  Tonight Andy and I sat with smiles while we watched him blink, move around and continuously repeat the same thing.  No not "dad".  No not "I need water".  No not "I want to get up" (all the usual).  Tonight he repeated "Raina" for at least 20 minutes.   
Although it's been fun, I can see the addiction of watching your child and sometimes it feels as if we have been invading their privacy. 
Bottom line: I can't live without technology, and I'm not always happy to live with it either. 

Giving a bath to these boys is difficult for 1 adult.
A bath for these 2 boys is fun.
Bottom line: They are too cute, all nudy and wet and soapy and slippery.

I'm already hungry for Thanksgiving dinner. It is my favorite holiday.
It's frightening that Christmas is right around the corner.
Bottom line: I'm a total holiday nerd and I'm ready to get in the spirit early this year.

When the work day is over I practically run to the car. I can't get home fast enough and see my boys.
When I get home I want to snap at all the chaos. 
Bottom line: I need to slow down and enjoy that all 3 of my boys want my attention the moment I walk through that door.  Someday nobody may care or even notice that I am home. 

When I walk down the hall and I'm texting a friend and I pass someone else and they are texting a friend-there is no eye contact.  I'm sad that technology is getting in the way of human contact.
But...I love getting texts messages and pictures and emails, it keeps me closer to far away friends and family.  Imagine how little of your life you would be able to share with others 25 years ago.  Would you show up on time because you couldn't text to say you were running late?  Would you ever get to see your best friends 1st child smothered in their 1st birthday cake?  Do you think you would have gotten daily updates on your brothers first/new pet?  Would you pay dollar after dollar to print out pictures where the lighting was wrong or inevitably someone in the group had their eyes closed? 
Bottom line: I can't imagine what life will be like in 20 years and what I will say "I can't believe I lived without ______".

I love tacos.
I never know what to serve with tacos.
Bottom line: who doesn't love tacos?

When I returned to work after my Hughie-Maternity leave, my coworker introduced me to this song. I LOVED IT.
I'm disappointed I didn't share it with you back then, because any day now it will be considered over played as it becomes more and more popular on the radio.
Bottom line: Go check it out. NOW! DO IT! I actually like the video too.



I fear that if I complain about something, people may think I'm not as happy as I am.
I'm afraid that if I bottle things up, people will think I'm happier than I am.
Bottom line: I'm the perfect amount of happy. 






 

Just Sayin'

We are just hanging out..... being awesome!  Just sayin'.....

He loooooves this dumptruck. Loves it.  Favorite toy~thanks PW!

On the other hand....this boy ....my big pride and joy.  I helped him with the border but he completed a whole 100 piece puzzle.  He was bribed with a dum-dum sucker.  And he did it.  He loves puzzles. He said "It's like a game. I love puzzles Mama".  Could he be the next million dollar winner on Survivor?

I made sure to jump up and down when I saw him put the last piece in.  I was just amazed.  100 pieces you guys.  Just sayin'....

Cereal and Garlic Bread

I'm rounding the corner towards another year of being gluten free. 

It is my forever.

I try to forget it all the time.  But I never can because this girl has to eat...and I can't eat without thinking about it.

I ebb and I flow.  I'm usually ok with it when I sit down at the table to eat dinner.  I love to watch Eli survey the table and show his excitement when he realizes we are eating the same food. 

But I don't thrive on social situations where I need to talk about "it".  Restaurants. Friends houses. Get togethers.  You know the drill if you've ever eaten with me.  I don't avoid it, but I definitely try to minimize the conversation at all costs. 

But a few months ago I had a conversation with my friend about which foods I missed.  It wasn't so much a conversation as a game.  She named 2 foods and I told her which one I missed more.  She took the one I missed more and suggested that one against another.  I think she was trying to whittle away which foods were at the top of my list.  It went something like this:

Her:  Chicken tenders or donut holes
Me: Chicken tenders
Her: Chicken tenders or soup at restaurants
Me: Soup at restaurants
Her: Soup at restaurants or white cupcake
Me: soup at restaurants
Her: soup at restaurants or miss grass soup
Me: miss grass soup
Her: Pizza or mrs. grass soup
Me: Mrs. Grass soup
Her: Mrs. Grass soup or garlic bread
Me: garlic bread
Her: Garlic bread or pancakes

I think most would guess that pizza, noodles, cookies, cupcakes, brownies etc would be at the top of the list. And they are. But I found myself waiting for her to add specific foods to the list.  I was thinking on ---"I'll have a real hard time making a choice if she add this food into the mix".  It was actually a FUN conversation.  And I found out that the two things that I miss, maybe not the most but more than I would expect, were garlic bread and cereal.  I grew up with a cupboard like this:


We always had an awesome selection of cereal and I really miss the options.  I eat all the versions of the chex but I miss so many other flavors, textures, versions.  I still keep a cupboard like this in our house for the boys because they are both big cereal eaters, as I'm assuming Hughie will be too.  So I try to be a good sport.  I've tried adding nuts and dried fruit to my cereal. I even tried chocolate chips.  But it's not the same and it always ends up at the bottom of the bowl. 

We didn't eat a lot of garlic bread growing up and I don't know why I miss it.  But I can feel more saliva in my mouth when I think about a bread stick from pizza hut or olive garden.  I have not found a gluten free version to compete with the texture of chewy garlic bread.  It breaks my heart.  I also miss toast. It's so hard for me to go out to eat for breakfast because I want toast with my eggs. I just do.  I have gluten free bread at home that works great for toast-but I am NOT lying to you when I tell you the bread is 1/2 the size of regular bread (therefore the loaf is half the size of a regular loaf) and it is $6 a loaf.  Ohhhh that hurts when you want a sandwich or a piece of toast with eggs. 

It's really weird being gluten free.  I can still remember the way foods feel falling apart in my mouth.  And sometimes that's all I miss.  The texture.  For example when offered a Cool Ranch Dorito, it just doesn't have the same mouth feel as a regular dorito.  My favorite candy bar was a kit kat but the chocolate covered gluten free waffers do not compare.

Will I survive? Yes. I know I know. I'm whining.
I want to know what you THINK you'd miss.  Be honest. It might be something you eat every day or it could be something you eat once a year.    It could be a childhood favorite that you only eat on special occasions and can't imagine never having that 1 time a year.  It could be an ice cold Miller Light or Corona with your friends at a picnic or summerfest.  Maybe it's your grandma's pancakes.  It's probably a favorite pie on Thanksgiving? Or your mom's lasagna.  Perhaps any version of macaroni and cheese?  What about a sauce on your chicken or chicken dumpling soup?  Chicken Lo Mein or grilled cheese?  Nestle crunch bars or twix? Chocolate chip cookie dough icecream?  Apple crisp? Crackers with your soup or cheese and crackers at parties? Pasta salad or a burger bun? A good sub sandwich?  Alfredo or a dinner roll or a favorite cereal?  A granola or breakfast bar or struedel?

I also want to know-would you cheat? Would you allow yourself to give in and indulge or would you fear the consequences? Would it force you to "remember" the taste and texture for a longer time (in other words, causing you to hold on to the memories for too long?)

We're Movin' On

Post Halloween Post

Everyone hates a late holiday post right? Halloween is done. Over. Gone. Not to be thought about until next year. Right? Not in our house. Eli continues to demand Pandora Halloween mix, he continues to sort candy and guess who would like which piece. He also loves to drive by old Halloween decorations and talk about "another Halloween Day". Since he's so in the spirit, I thought it might be safe for me to post the pictures from our Halloween. It was a good one.

I made the pumpkin with the ghost mouth and Andy made the crooked mouth with eyebrows.  Eli wanted "Mater" teeth from the Car's movie-so that is what he got.  After looking back I realized that I made the exact same pumpkin face as I had last year.  I vow to be more creative next year. 

We went trick or treating twice this year, once in our neighborhood during the day.  The other time was in Team Wazwo's neighborhood at night.  I love the spirit of nighttime trick or treating.  Eli was IN his glory. He was OHHHH so happy.  It really made Halloween more special to me.  Growing up I wasn't a huge fan of trick or treating. Don't get me wrong, I love tolerate candy just like anyone else.  But the concept of going up to someone eElse's door to ask for it-that wasn't my style.  But watching Eli do it, always saying Trick of Treat and always politely thanking each person was endearing.

See ya next year Halloween, with Hughie trudging along on foot.