It's easy-and it will mean something

It’s not about what we are doing: bottle feeding, breastfeeding, baking a cake, buying one from Costco–it’s that all of these things are done with love and intention. How we love and care for our children is a matter of individuality, but the whys are more similar than we think. If we as parents spent less time being critical and defensive and more time lifting each other up, the journey would be a little easier on all of us.

About a week ago my friend sent me a link to this blog post.  I read a lot of blogs (although I don't usually follow this one) that emotionally move me.  This one actually brought me to tears at certain points.  It may have arrived in my e-mail box at just the right time.

Then this happened.

Yesterday was one of those really hard mom days.  Hugh threw a monster tantrum in the morning that included choking on cheerios in his throat and up his nose.  It happened early in the day and I felt like hunkering down in the house and just letting ourselves settle.  But I didn't let it get me down.   I decided  to still take this kiddo out of the house and took the boys to the library for story time.  Hugh was strapped in the stroller and Eli was coloring at the table. Because Hugh is not able to tell me what he wants, I realized too late that his grunt meant he wanted out of that stroller immediately so he could color like a big boy.  As I reached down to unbuckle him from the stroller he started tantruming. I don't care that it isn't a word. That IS what he was doing.  And it was so intense I could not get the buckle unbuckled.

I literally froze.  I couldn't figure out if I should just order Eli out of the library and back home. Before I could decide I dared myself to look around.  This kid was screaming, crying and thrashing in his stroller.  A mom was RUSHING at me.  I was scared she was going to try to help me and ask "WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM?"  But instead she looked at me and said loudly "It's OK.  We've ALL been there".  I said "Thank you" and turned around and started crying.  Those words she said to me ---I don't even know what to say about them.  Someone must have said them to her.  They just meant SO much to me.  Nobody had ever really said that to me IN THE MOMENT before.  Afterwards yes, but never during. 

The friend who had sent me the blog post above was ironically IN the building and came rushing to my side. She put her arm around me, gave me a squeeze and told me "you're doing it. it's OK".  I couldn't stop crying. And I feel like I could cry right now just thinking about how the librarian came up next. She put her arm around me too and told me about her second son who did this same type of thing and he was normal now, married and a good dad.  She told me "this is the perfect place for that to happen".  

I have to be honest.  In the past when I've seen kids throwing tantrums I always look at the parent and noticed

1. The mom looks frazzled, tired, frustrated, upset, scared, unsure or just plain mad

2. The mom probably didn't even get a chance to shower or eat breakfast that morning

3. The mom sometimes has another child at her side, who starts to act up at the same time because of all the attention flowing the other way.

I was -in all ways-that mom.  Not even a week after I read that blog post.  I cried all the way home-remembering these words I had read:

 Yesterday, my 3-year-old was having a tantrum as we left a play area. I calmly said to him, “Let’s not get worked up, if we take a deep breath together I think it will be alright.” I was actively choosing to be calm and help him deal with his emotions; I could have easily yanked him out the door and told him to knock it off. On a different day, with less sleep and patience, I might have done just that. But he took a deep breath with me and we were both calm.

The lady holding the door for her three children also held the door for me and as she did she turned me and said, “Bravo, Mama. Well done.”

We all need cheerleaders sometimes. I challenge you to be one.

That word, Bravo, resonates with me.  It is the epitome of how I feel about mom's who have to trudge through the highs and lows of parenthood and can't control everything that is going on.  They just are stuck (and blessed) with this unconditional love that keeps them going.  

So now, I ask you. I challenge you.  I challenge myself too.  Let's be each others cheerleaders.  Let's say "good job!" when you think "I'm so glad that's not me today, because I've been there and I'm out of that stage but I can remember".  Don't walk away.  Don't judge that mom.  Say "cheers to you, good job you, you're doing the hard stuff well, it's ok and you're a good mama, Bravo!" Be the cheerleader.