"I Thomas"

Dear Elijah,

Tonight my heart is breaking.  About 20 minutes after you had been quiet in your crib you started to whimper.  It wasn't long before it turned into an all out wail and daddy and I looked at each other and shrugged our shoulders. After 20 more minutes I decided to come talk to you. You were standing in your crib and Teddy was all wet from your big, real tears.  I wanted to cry my own tears that you were so upset.  I asked you what was wrong.  All you would say is "thomas, thomas, thomas".  I tried to gently tell you that Thomas was sleeping and that we all have to go night night. You got more upset. I gave in. (Someday you will realize why this is such a naughty thing for a mommy to do).  I picked you and Teddy up and sat in our rocker in the dark and asked you what was bothering  you.  You still wailed. And repeated. And repeated. But what was that? I don't understand what you're saying?  "I Thomas. I Thomas. I Thomas".  I feel like such a bad mom. Why don't I know what the I in  I Thomas means?  Are you Thomas?  Hi Thomas? I was so confused Bubs.  I just didn't know what you wanted. I continued to tell you that he was sleeping.  The blubbering continued and I wanted to sob with you. It was real sobbing. You have never done that before. It was the type of crying you can't get ahold on and you feel like you can't breathe.  I remember doing this when I was little too but not as little as you. I tried so hard to understand what was bothering you. What you needed. Wanted. "I Thomas". 
"I, I, I, I" as you tried to catch your breath and then "I Thomas" when you finally did.
So I gave in. Caved again.  I turned on the light and we read BOTH books about trains. I HATE HATE HATE to break it to you but now that you are old enough to read this, you'll understand. Neither of those trains are even the real Thomas.  But it melts my heart that you thought it was.  I let you hug and kiss Thomas in the book and tried to get you to say Night Night Thomas. You said "Bye Thomas".  But when I shut off the light you started again. So upset. I wanted to do anything for you to help ease this Thomas pain.  I offered to let you take the book to bed with you.  That's when I found out Daddy was listening on the monitor.  He's BIG BAD DAD.  He stomped in the room and said "Eli, time for night night" and picked you up.  You were quiet right away and melted into his arms.  After he finally put you down, you resumed your very upset "I, I, I" (can't catch your breath) "I Thomas".  Daddy said I had to just let you cry about it. Sure enough, 15 minutes later you fell asleep.  I would give anything to sneak in and see your tired little body and have you know how much I love you for all that just happened. I could probably have my own uncontrollable crying fit just thinking about YOU and how much I love you.
I continue to be amazed by little ol' you.  I love the stage your in.  It's amazing.  You are saying almost anything. You make yourself right at home no matter where you are and within minutes of arriving you are all business-playing hardcore.  You try to "jump" all over and dance with style.  You know your nightly routine and are an exceptional cleaner-upper.  I LOVE IT. I love to watch you pick up each block and car with love and put them in the right spot.  You now use towels to wipe up the floor.  You crack up giving Bailee treats and you pet her with gentle care.  You jabber all day long saying things that sound like "Monya, monye money, budgies, bunye" etc.  You can point at things in books when I ask you to and you are able to indicate which book is the one we will be reading next. You can take off your own shoes and socks, can pull your pants up and down and you even try to get your diaper off. You love cars, are obsessed with trains, would order tomatoes, cucumbers and budgies (berries) for every meal.  You sleep longer on the weekends, let daddy brush your teeth and blow me away with how you attempt to imitate daddy and me.   I am truly speechless at all you have and continue to learn each and every week. 
Please know that you really tugged at my heart strings tonight and that I probably should not have caved and picked you up, or read you those books and let you kiss "Thomas" and I fear that it just delayed and elongated the process and you ended up more upset than you were. But you little man....are mine and I would do anything for you.
Love,
Mama