One Life

I've been struggling lately with my own self.  Sometimes I get in these slumps where I challenge myself to figure out the hard stuff. Who am I? Where do I fit in? What is going on with this life and what am I supposed to be doing.
All those hard questions keep me from closing my eyes at night.
Andy can turn off the light and see the oceans lapping on the shores of Jamaica and fall right to sleep.  I see everything I need to do racing around behind my lids.  And if I'm not thinking about what needs to be done, I'm arguing with myself on how to figure out self acceptance.  Have you read Momastary's blog lately?  Loved it.  She took people who appear completely put together, successful and happy and outlined their greatest fear-check it out.
I don't feel like I'm fooling anyone, I'm pretty open about the things that I feel unsure of or unsatisfied with.  So it's no secret.
And then I see that there are amazing people ALL Over the world, going through hard things.  Being strong.  Letting them self be weak so they can grow.  Owning their decisions. Making changes. Clinging to the smallest glimmer of hope.  Moving forward.  Surviving.  Sacrificing their desires and wants for their family or friend.

And I know so many of these people.  And I adore their lives.  I want to write "their little lives" because our lives seem so little when you look through the whole scope.  But everyone's life IS huge.

So when someone says "but this is the one life you get."  I get really dizzy.  Easy to forget. Someone recently said to me "This is the one life I have and this is who I picked. And he picked me."  Whoa.
 Another said "I feel so sad that I picked him. I picked wrong".  And I thought, yeah but you have so much of this one life left....also easy to forget.


I'm blessed to know so many people and watch their journey, their one life.  I am thankful to be part of decisions, choices, thoughts and emotions with all these guys.  They are amazing.
People like this:

So....one life. Be easy on yourself and on others.   Make sure to live it right.

Happy

Put this song on in the background while you empty the dishwasher or fold laundry. Crank it up. I dare you not to dance a little bit. Our house dances a lot a bit to this song. I know it will be (or has been) overplayed and I will grow tired of it. But for now....Even Hughie loves it.

2 on the 19th

Dear Hughie,

I remember when you were small enough Daddy and I could hold you with just one hand.  You were tiny enough you could fit in a bucket.  Your cries were quiet and you had a mellow demeanor.

Not much about me has changed since you were in my belly.  I have the same job, same hair cut and same ol' personality.  Before you were born I wondered if you would be a boy or a girl, wondered if you would be petite like your bro or a baby who would sleep through the night.  After you were born I wondered if your blue eyes would change and if you would stay plump and easy-peasy.  Now that you are two, many of my questions and wonders have been answered.

1 year old

Your mellow personality has changed. You are quite the boy.  You know what you want, you are loud and powerful.

There is too much to love and adore about you.
My heart melts and swells when I say "Come here, belly to belly" and you come and make sure you press your big round belly into mine and we share a full body hug.  The highlight of my day is when I rock you at night and say "I love you Hugh Lou" and you say "Ya".  Then I ask you who you love and you start to list all the people you love.  You give great kisses and instead of saying sorry, you tilt your head in for just a little head touch.

You differ from your big brother which I just can't believe.  Shouldn't you be just like him? You came from the same place!  Your eyes are much more blue-just like your dad.  Your hair is the blondest hair in our whole family.  You love fruit but struggle to eat your veggies, and you won't even touch most meat or noodle dish.  Eli was never picky, and although you copy every little thing your big brother does, you do not copy him with your eating habits.  I think you take after your big cousin Sydney, by asking for snacks ALL. DAY. LONG.  You want sugary cereals, candy, chips, crackers and anything in a glass container.  You know right the snack drawer is.  Once the snack is in 1 bowl, you always grab another and transfer it by pour it on the floor into the new bowl.

Your favorite words and phrases are "Mar-o Guy"  (Mario Guys),   Boo Boo Boo (Angry Bird),  Eeee-iiiii  (Eli), wan dat, wan dat, wan dat (I want that), dane-do (thank you), chi-cah-gho (Jingle bells), bankie (blankie), Manana (banana), mil-kah (milk), chaaaa-eeeee (charley). Boos (Boots)

 

Hugh-Lou---these are all things I never ever want to forget about you.  I get a big ol' lump in my throat to know that some day I won't be able to hear you, see your or touch your soft baby skin.  I'm not ready for you to grow up. I need you to stay right by me all the time.  

You are left handed.  You love to shake one foot while you are in your highchair.  When you get your nuk (only at nap bed time) you immediately twirl your hair with  your fingers.  When a long blonde strand gets stuck on your hand you love to watch my struggle to untangle from your sticky fingers.

You love Mickey Mouse.  Mario.  Angry Birds. You listen to book after book before your bedtime and you are a dream to put down. But you don't dream through the night-you wake up and cry throughout the night (yes still).  You can sing specific words to a lot of current pop tunes.  And you throw a strong tantrum like the best of them.

 

You are sassy.  You are assertive.  You are brave.  You are fun.  Your smile lights up a room.  You are passionate.  And I can't wait to find out what you pour heart and soul into throughout your life.  I will back you. No matter what you decide to do, I will be there. I will clap so hard my hands will burn and scream encouraging words until my throat hurts. I will hold your hand and I will push you out there.  I want you to learn from your own mistakes but I want to be there to pick you up for any and every emotion you experience.   I will do a lot of it with tears in my eyes.  I will brag to my friends and family and obsessively talk about you and all your Hugh-Lou-ness.

Happy 2nd birthday to you Hugh Robert.  Love doesn't seem to do it justice.  You are just so much of everything I ever need.  

Love,
Mom

PS Here is a short clip of your happiness.  Disclaimer----if you don't want to see any little naked baby in the tub-don't watch.  I tried realllllly hard to not get too much of Eli in the shot because he wouldn't stay sitting down so just keep your eyes focused on the birthday boy!


 

Hugh is 2?

This kiddo is turning 2.  Gulp.

If you're a mom-you've been here.  Disbelief at how fast it's going and by how much he's changing.  

Not sure why that "F" block fell right there (maybe it stands for fun, funny, fantastic, fabulous etc). But I adore that little footie picture. I could just kiss and tickle those little tootsies.  

We haven't cut his locks yet.  In due time....surprisingly Andy is not pushing for it.  So I will not rush it.  It is really one of the only baby parts of him that is left.  

More to come on this beautiful little man.  And man he is-you should hear him roar.  

Make sure to check back to find out how he handled his big day. 

It's posed but it's love....

We were told to wear pink or red.....fun photo booth at Eli's school Valentines Day Dance!

** Don't worry SW.  I realize I did crop some of these shots-I won't order them ok? Ha!**

33

Today he catches up to me.

Recently a friend asked me to tell her more about Andy.

It truly is a challenge to describe that one person you are the closest too.  It just seems like everyone would know the same things that I do.

So I told her the basics.  He is So nice. So fun. So easy to get along with.  He is left handed. His middle name starts with a P. He has a scar under his chin (just like me).  He loves kids.  He is quiet until he has a drink, then he loves to talk.  He was a basketball star in high school.  He has a big family.  He is a meat and potatoes guy, but will eat almost any vegetable except onions.

But from there I couldn't think of much.  But there DEFINITELY is more to this awesome guy than that basic junk.

Genuine love for my god daughter LB

So today we celebrate the man of my dreams.  And NOW....I challenge YOU.   Help me out.  Tell me something YOU know about Andy.  Take a moment and leave a comment-FOR this man.  I would love to share it with him at the end of the day.

Please take 30 seconds and tell me something you KNOW about Andy. Or THINK or LOVE or WONDER about Andy.

He's not on facebook so as many wishes as he can get on here would be meaningful.

Cheers to an exciting 33rd year of life Andy.  Watch out world....it's going to be amazing.

Genuine

I would love for someone to use the word genuine when describing me.

That is why I love this video....it captures how much genuine fun and love Andy has with the little boys.
He has so much fun. I guess he is just a little boy at heart too.