It's Sunday night. This is when I would typically be cranky and anxious about the work week ahead. Let's be honest, even though I am not showing up in my white coat...I still have a little bit of apprehension about the week ahead. Now it is for different reasons.
I always figured that my Monday blues were related to my desire to get my work done, be a smart dietitian and form a connection with co-workers or patients that need help. Now my concerns with the week ahead stem from the desire to be a good mom, to get the job done, to start over day in-day out and to celebrate all the little moments with my two boys.
We had a low key weekend, in preparation for a holiday weekend of travels, Easter Bunny and family next weekend. Watching basketball, eating, napping and playing were on the top of our to-do lists. And we accomplished all of those.
Eli is in the thick of it. I'm constantly searching for new ideas to parent him at this age. I know it's just that-a stage that will be over and we will ease into the next frustrating and rewarding era. It doesn't seem like anything matters to him-nothing we say or do fazes him and it's challenging. I have so many fears that he will continue to want to jump into the street, talk back, stamp his foot, avoid listening, taunt the dog and cry before bedtime even when he is 6, 9, 15, 23 years old. He won't. Right? He will move on and understand the safety behind staying on the sidewalk, realize that he should not talk back to adults and learn the importance of respect for toys. I will keep trudging through and try to keep the fears at bay. But man! Those facetime or ichat spells with my mom and sister, along with laugh-till-you-cry chats at book club are what keeps me sane. Just hearing others report their struggles takes a load off my shoulders. I'm normal. He's normal. And this too will pass.
Meanwhile he has been insanely busy. He has had a chance to play with all of his cousins in the last few weeks. All these "Special places" and "treats" and visits keep this little tyke smiling, running, jumping and hoping for more. He has been given the opportunity to beam with excitement and wonder what is next. I love his wonder and his curiosity. He is also more and more creative as the days pass. It's amazing and I'm awe struck when I see him talking to Earl (his stuffed cow) and playing with a toy in a new way that includes pretend. Eli also got a new alarm clock that is supposed to help us get more sleep. He named him Ozzy and although we have not had success the first 2 mornings with it, we will keep trying-hoping and praying that the extra sleep will come in time and that it will pay off by improving all of our moods.
We've also been lucky with the weather and he's been outside more than expected for early spring. I took a moment to look around and really breathe in all the BOY that surrounds me as a mom of 2. It's exciting, fun and makes me smirk-because I'm ready for it. Brothers.
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| Eli says "Can we go play tee?" and forgets the word ball. |
We've been to the Zoo, The Big Backyard (a couple of times), Kids in Motion, Grandma's house and more. He's been gifted new toys, books and clothes. He's indulged in a cute little donut, white meringue cookies, a popsicle, blueberry frozen yogurt and more.
He-Is-Loved.
The visit from my sister came and went-too fast. I'm so happy she came and met little Hugh Lou. I hope all her moments with him, although quick, were special and worth it to her. It seemed like there were always other things going on with 3 other boys and a little girl on the move at the same time.
She sure has her hands full with her kids, but took a few extra special moments to take pictures, change a diaper or gaze Hugh's way. And she definitely doesn't forget about Eli. Being his godmother is a special role she takes seriously. I can tell she wants Eli to love her but she always is there to assist me in keeping him on track. I can tell that in the next 1-2 years Eli will really connect more with Henry.
I saw them interact much more than I ever did before. The age gap will close, and the same goes for Eli and Syd. I see playmates in these cousins. Although, Syd did show some interest in cousin Hugh -any day she'll be pushing a stroller with a baby doll in it-I just know it.
Charley was there too-but he is older now and plays chess with Uncle Greg, can read and likes to talk more seriously these days. Speaking of Uncle Greg-he did make an appearance to meet the Hughster and he brought along his super helpful lady Liz. It was great to see them and talk wedding and share a glass of wine in the afternoon, in our to-go-cups.
Woah...ok where did this post go? At first I thought I was reaching in deep about my mom-
ness coming up this week and then all of a sudden I was reviewing my last week.
Ahhhh....can I still claim pregnancy brain?
One last thing-My sister always knows just what I need. She is there to really help me in this new "season" I am going through with my "
littles". I'm using some of her or others blogging terminology. Most of these new things were expected but still difficult.
Today she emailed me a link to a post on the blog "Kickyboots"
. I have never read her before and so going into it I had no idea. That's the fun thing about the suggestions made by "For the Love of Naps"-she usually just emails the links as a "I think you'll like/get/understand/need/laugh at this post" and I just click away-trusting her. Check it out-it made me tear up. Not just because I could nod, smile and agree with it-but I knew my sister did or had also been able to relate. I know this is ridiculous-but just knowing that others have been through some of the same things makes it all ok.
It really does.
Yes, we planned to have a second baby. Yes, we planned to have Eli. Yes, I knew it would be tough. I prepared myself for the tough days and moments. That doesn't make it easier at the time. Nothing can prepare you for the parts of yourself that will come out during the ups and downs. You learn so much about yourself and appreciate all the mothers around you so much. You understand the lady in Target who is rolling her eyes or snapping at her children, you tip your head at the mom in the parking lot who is repeating herself over and over and you smile for your friend who is getting out of the house alone-even if it's just a run to get groceries. Being a parent is hard. It is full of bliss, joy, smiles, LOVE, laughs, moments, and more good-stuff....but it is plain and simple hard. And we trudge through---with the hope that we are doing it correct (is there a right way) and mostly that we are doing all we can to raise these "littles" into the adults we want them to become.
So as this Monday will soon be upon me, I might just re-read this a couple of times and breathe deeper...
(From
Kickypants)
I started saying the same thing to myself about my older kid’s frustrating tantrums and outbursts. “Right now? THIS SUCKS. She is screaming again, about absolutely nothing, and I am so tired of it and
I am worried she will never grow up to become a decent human being and it feels like I am failing. But she will not always be like this. With consistency and patience, her older sister outgrew a similar phase and now she’s really spectacular. It’s going to get better, and it’s all going to be OK.” And by taking the time to truly acknowledge the emotions I was feeling, instead of just stuffing them down or bracing hard against them, it gave me a sense of peace about it all, and the strength to keep going.
The same was true for my messy house, my flabby stomach, my wearied marriage. I allowed myself to really acknowledge their state. “Right now things are not ideal: there are dishes piled in the sink, gobs of flesh hanging over the waistband of my jeans, I haven’t been on a date with my husband in a year. And I don’t have the energy to change any of that right now. It’s extra hard today, but it won’t always be. So just keep on loving your kids, your spouse, yourself any way you can. It’s all going to be OK.” And it was.
ahhh...the "and it was" is refreshing every time I read it.
I take everything that any of my co-mom's offer for advice so seriously and to heart. I appreciate every voicemail message, email and pick-me-up I get. I'm doing this. Loving it. And that makes it ok to admit the struggles. Nothing will replace these years-I'm like anyone else...reminders not to rush away these years. Slow down. Appreciate.
I need my family. I need my friends. I need my Andy.
I have my boys. MY BOYS. (Huge smile!)
I'm a good Mom.
Happy Monday to you all...............I hope to be a little more dedicated to my blogging.
Have you seen this?
--if you know him-I just aged you.
