Machine

Are you familiar with these?

If so...then you know what type of machine I've been hooked up to.
And you'd know why I am so proud of my freezer looking like this:

It is even more than it looks.  And this will help me MOVE ON to work next Monday.

Moving On...

The title of my blog...where did it come from?
It was developed before the birth of Eli but now it fits more than ever. 
I have trouble moving on sometimes.
Change is hard for me.

They say the only people who like change are babies in wet diapers.
I know a few people who are passionate about change.
Oh no not me.

I'm constantly trying to "move on".  I need to stop thinking about what happened in the past and try not to fear the future.  Move on from the things that affect me if they are not positive, but stay in the now.

I can't count the number of times people have commented on how Eli runs.  Many say he prances or floats.  It's magical.  He has no weights on his shoulders.  I'm jealous.  He moves on.

Eli sure knows how to move on without looking back.

I need to learn from him.  He does it with passion.

Hughie is movin' on all the time too.  0-3 month pajamas? Who cares-he's not sentimental. He doesn't have a hard time folding them and putting them away-he doesn't wonder if he'll ever snaps those buttons around another lil baby bum.  Head out the door for a trial at day care? No prob.  Go with the flow. Move on.

Those boys...always movin' on at the appropriate time.

Me on the other hand....I'm entering a zone.  I have to transition back to being a career woman.  Luckily this time around I will only be part time.  I remember dropping Eli off at day care and telling myself that he was going to sleep the whole day.  He couldn't miss me because he'd be sleeping.  He wasn't crying-because he was sleeping.  It worked.  Will it work this time?  Can I do this? What keeps me from moving on to this next stage?

A few months ago I remember my sister emailing me and telling me that she couldn't sleep at night because she was so excited for the next day.  No way....I was pregnant and tired and working and couldn't understand any of that.  Excited for the next day? I was always excited for the sleep.  But now...oh now I get it big sis!  I don't remember being this content or this satisfied with my day to day life.  I don't write long complaining emails to anyone!  I laugh more, dance and sing in my free time and embrace the exaustion at the end of the day.  Despite the sleepiness and the non-listening almost 3 year old antics, I am happier than I have ever been.  I'm not ready to move on.  This time it's not out of fear. It's because I'm content.  I can't wait to have another day with my boys.   A day just like these days. 

So...they push me.  The only way to get to see them and spend more time with them, is to get through that work day.  Conquer it.  Keep movin' on....with them.

Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

Yesterday we finger painted.
Today we made gluten free banana muffins. 
Tomorrow we will work on ABC again.

Yesterday Eli threw a wet washcloth at me out of the tub.
Today, while I changed Hugh's diaper, Eli locked the bathroom door and then closed it. Now nobody can get in.
Tomorrow Eli will do his naughty-thing at day care-or hopefully not. 

Yesterday I told Andy "A week from now, you better drug me".  (The Sunday blues will hit)
Today it is officially 1 week until I go back to work.
Tomorrow will be 1 day closer.

Yesterday we cleaned up the basement.
Today I dropped off some maternity clothes-I'm not completely done with them yet but getting closer.
Tomorrow I'll shop for a new pair of jeans to be comfy in.

Yesterday I smiled when Eli and I played trains and built a cool bridge.
Today I smirked when Eli and I made "Jails" for dinosaurs out of Lego Blocks.
Tomorrow I'll cuddle Hughie extra hard.

Yesterday Andy put Eli down for bed while I put Hugh down.
Today I will put both boys to bed by myself.
Tomorrow maybe Andy will take them both?

It's easy to live in the "yesterday, today, tomorrow" time period.  But sometimes we have to do the hard things.  We just do. So for today, I will let go of the yesterday and the tomorrow worries and attempt (I say attempt because I'm not perfect) to live in the today, today, today.

Clarify

There is nothing wrong with the swing.
I don't think my previous post made sense.

My guilt was over the fear that Hugh would not want to sleep in his crib and instead get addicted to the motion of the swing.  You better believe we used the swing a LOT (a lot lot) with Eli. We even had a swing in our bedroom.  Many children sleep better in one and a sleep deprived parent SHOULD use the swing and any other tactic that they can to get some sleep so they can continue to take care of their child. 

In fact...Sir Hugh is in the swing right now.  How else would I blog? Ha!

I didn't read anywhere that swings would cause crooked necks, average test scores, caffeine addiction or chicken pox at the age of 10.  I didn't read any of that. The swing is NOT a bad thing. 

What I was trying to share was that as I laid in bed, knowing my son was swinging away and hoping it wouldn't turn into a bad habit, I was excited that I was able to (in my mind) turn around those feelings of guilt into feelings of satisfaction that I was doing something FOR hughie, something which he loved and enjoyed. 

Hugh sometimes swings during the day, usually 2 or 3 other times during the day.  This allows me to read books to Eli, change his diaper, blog, go to the bathroom etc.  Therefore, I am not scared or feeling guilty from 1 morning of swinging and I'm not saying that I read that a swing will cause negative things.  I just don't want him addicted to it and be unable to nap without motion.

On the other hand...trains...that I've read can cause addiction and obsession (sarcasm).  Is there anything bad about an explosion of trains?

Yes this mama can use 4 different tracks to create a wonderland for her son

So there you have it.  No fear about the swing.  What is keeping your kiddos busy today?

Choose your battles

Last night Hugh went to sleep pretty early.  This just set us up for an extra feeding session after I had already laid down.  He woke at 10 for a feeding and I didn't get to lay down until 11.  He then woke at 1:15 and didn't go back to sleep until 2.  He then woke up at 5:22.  Yes 22 minutes after 5.  He didn't really go back to bed.  He was nice enough to lay in his bed and about 10 minutes after I laid back down in my bed, Eli yelled "I'm awake mama".  It was only 6:00.  So, up I stood and got books ready for Eli to look at.  I laid back down.  Hugh was starting to get worked up.

Ok, surrender to the wake up time.  I stayed calm.  As Eli continued to say "I'm awake.  Mama!" I whispered from my bed "I know Eli" and I decided to weigh my options.
-Get mad or angry that I was awake.
-Get up and start my day.
-Attempt to sleep through it all as the talented Andy was doing.

Instead-I created a 4th option.  It's an option that we turn to every once in a while.  And every time I do it, I feel guilt.  Being a parent is hard. (How many times can we write that on a blog post?  Too many to count.) But the truth is, besides doing the hard stuff, there is the difficult aspect of the feelings that go along with it all.  Worry, fear and guilt.  Those 3. I can't get over them.  The guilt that comes along with making a decision that most likely will NOT affect your child in the future is thick.  It's usually ridiculous the amount of time a mom can spend weighing options and outcomes about making a decision for kiddos.  But the info that is thrown at you as a parent makes you fear any decision you make.  Websites, books, and advice from friends and family will throw you from loop to loop to loop, causing you to question anything you do.

Don't do this.
Do more of this.
If you do this, it will cause that.  Watch out for this. Check for that.  Do this 15 minutes a day but make sure they are doing this on their own by this age but not that.  This is normal but that is not. This is age appropriate. Oh that is ahead of the game.  This caused that.  That caused this.  Be careful not to do this.  Change that.  Try this.  Try that. 

It's all consuming.  Seriously.
So this morning when I had the chance, I made the personal decision to stop thinking about the bad things that could happen and instead I looked at it from Hugh's perspective.  It made him happy.  I was making a choice that made Hugh happy and it wasn't going to decrease his chance to become president, be healthy or win a spelling bee in the future.

Ok judgey McJudge-get ready. I'm about to reveal what we did so that you can assess if this post is worth the guilt we sometimes feel.
When Hugh wakes up too early, we sometimes put him in the swing.  And I'm not talking about putting him in the swing for 2-3 hours in the morning.  I'm talking about from 6 am until 7 am, usually not more than an hour.  But sometimes he is so soothed he'll fall back asleep, allowing me time to change Eli's diaper and clothes, take a shower and talk to Andy for 5 minutes before he leaves for the day.  But in the back of my mind I worry that it's a bad habit.  That he'll get used to motion-  That he'll want to sleep in a swing every morning- That it's too loud for him to rest because he needs more sleep after a restless night.  
But today I turned it around-finally.  If it soothes him, and makes him happy and it works, do it.  Get through the day any way that you can. 

So I'm letting go of the worry and the guilt.  Instead I'm letting Hugh be happy for an extra hour this morning.  After all, as my friends and I decided this weekend, parenting is an ART not a SCIENCE.  There is not just one equation that equals happy, healthy children.  What works for one may not work for another.   Each household is different and we are all just trying to raise healthy, happy kiddos.

I wonder what else I can convince myself of when I'm choosing my battles today.

Back in the day...

Back in the day we were the Blue Devils and we were proud.

We worked hard...together. We broke a sweat every single day.  And it kept us in shape, healthy and together.

We wore fake glasses. Did TONS of dishes. Argued about the thermostat.  Threw parties and went to our fair share (ok a lot!).  We played Dr. Mario and ordered pizza. 

Blood sweat and tears.  We shared a dorm room during pre season. We cried in purple sweat pants. We designed fleeces, sweat pants and tshirts for team pride.  We complained about the coach-oh HOW we did that.  We bonded over spaghetti dinners, long bus rides and together cursed our injuries.

We got tired. We were dirty. We had to figure out who got to shower after practice every day.  We smelled each others shin guards.  I'm sure we shared socks. We ran hard, we pushed each other, we slapped a million high fives and thanked our lucky stars that the other was there when we were on the field.  We survived freshman initiation and lived to laugh about it.  We became to be in charge of warm ups and yelled at the under class-women.  We met eyes across the stretch circle.  We ate together.  I cooked.  Stacy always won Dr. Mario and was the fashionista, fighting off all the boys.  Lynne was a listening ear who took the SLAP for my illegal 21st birthday. We wore black.

 

Soccer was my life in college.  But mainly because of these girls.  These life long friends are ones that I only get to see 1 or 2 times a year.  We easily slip into constant conversation....talking about life as it is now and how it was then.  The things we survived together....we laugh, have a drink and now we parent.

All three of us are mothers to some very beautiful children.  This past weekend we spent running around in circles-stacy chasing a 9 month old army-crawler. Lynne bent over wiping spit up.  And me nursing and changing poopy after poopy diaper.  We went to the zoo. This ended up being more for ourselves as the littles we strapped in and we got to just walk and talk. 

We ate, drank and were merry just to be together. 

It is interesting to share our different mothering loves and hates, our schedules, tasks that our husbands are good at and not so great at.  We watched the 2 girls interact while Hugh just got passed around.



Ada tries to steal Tylin's pacifier




Tylin says NO WAY



And although I am exausted today-I can't stop thinking about these women in my life and how much I wish they lived closer. 

Lynne-thanks for traveling. What a trooper.
Stacy-thanks for your jazz hands, opening your house, providing St. Germain's and bib after bib after bib.

I can't wait to post next year when the kids are totally different.

My Engineer

He's been working on the railroad....

For a boy who loves trains...these overalls are the perfect fit.