My middle....

I have gotten to spend a lot of time with my middle child since he was born, more time than I spent with Eli.  Recently I have been feeling as if my time at home is full of pressure, and I am not slowing down to soak in the hours I have with Hughie.  I just want the house to be picked up, cleaned up and prepped for the night or weekend ahead.  It's near impossible to keep our dishwasher, washing machine and garbage can emptied and filled.  Both of these are on a constant rotation in this house.  So poor Hugh catches me when I am trying to put Crosby down for a nap, or changing his diaper, or putting away the crusty dishes.  He wants and needs more attention.  I remember when I was a young, energetic mom of just 1 kiddo.  My day revolved around which educational activity or exciting adventure we would embark on.  I felt I helped mold Eli a little bit, even though he went to full time day care for the first 3 years of his life.  Every week I spend Wednesday, Thursday and Friday with just Hugh and Crosby.  And some days are way way way way way way wayyyyyyyyyy better than others. He is full of energy and noise and hugs and desire to learn.  He is frustrated when he can't do something himself and he wants to be just like Eli--so much so that he has created friends in his head (that are the same name as Eli's) and also can tell stories of what happened at "his" school--although I am quite clear that he was with me all day and never stepped foot in a school.

My sister has reminded me--Hugh is NOT Eli.  And bam!  It hits me.  Of course he's not.  He's not at all.  And I'm sad to admit that I forgot for a while that the same parenting skills and techniques may not work for him.  He may need an extra long hug, or he may need more reassurance.  He may prefer sports over legos etc.  But this kid...he's learning.  He can write his name clear as day.  And he is even starting to add with his fingers.  Come early fall-he will be going to school and I'm excited and scared and nervous and sad.  He is ready. But I won't be.  The house is going to feel empty and quiet.  Especially quiet.  And I fear regret.  I fear I will regret the days I filled the dishwasher or took him to the store instead of the park.  SO my goal for these next few weeks before summer break is to be more free with Hugh, give him more and everything he deserves in this time home with mama.

don't worry I know how to spell our last name, but I wasn't going to battle him and make him do two set's of E's

Cheers to these next few weeks Hugh-lou