Dear Third Bambino,
My mom, your Grandma Barb, told me a few months ago that I better blog about this pregnancy. She is right, and I've done it in my mind. It's so hard to find the right words for this pregnancy. You have definitely been giving me a run for my money.
Let's be clear.
I want you. I love you. I hoped for you. I am soosooosoooo excited to meet you. I want you baby! But I don't want to be pregnant. I just want the end gift: YOU!
I hope you're happy in there. I am not one of those super happy, glowing, doing-everything-perfectly-still-running-an-8 minute-mile preggers. Nope, not me. And this time around I may not even have any baby clothes washed yet. The crib is up but I haven't sat in the nursery and rocked in the quiet imagining you swaddled in a tight bundle an arms length away.
But that baby, is because of the OTHER gifts I have for you. And not gifts wrapped in a box-nothing I found snugly on sale. These are miracles that I have for you that nobody else could ever give you.
Your older brothers-they keep me busy and hopping. And I am preparing them to meet YOU! And getting themready to have a new buddy in their life that they will love, cherish and get to know.
Someone once told me that your siblings are the people you know the longest in your life. You know them since (yours or their) birth and often times (even though I hate to think about this) they will know you longer than even your parents get to. The relationship will ebb and flow and go through many different stages. But these guys are going to be true gifts for you, and you for them.
You will also be a true gift for Dad and I. We feel you kick. We talk about your name. We wonder how you will perfectly fit in and where your swing will rest. I can't wait for your chubby cheeks, your drooling chin, your oh-so-soft baby hair. I wonder who you will be in 1 year, 5 years, 25 years.
I wonder how it will be to have a third. But I don't really wonder. I don't even think I need to imagine. I know how it will be. Within 5 minutes of Hugh being born I looked at your dad and said "Let's do this again". See, after we got Bailee (our doggy) I never thought I could love a baby more. And once we had Eli, and I DID love him, I never thought I could love another baby as much. But you see, the very SECOND that lil Hugh came out, I loved him fiercely, just as he needed to be loved. It is so special that without a doubt I know I will love you and can't wait for that swell of my heart as I stare at you for hours upon hours. So I suppose I don't have to wonder or imagine too much.
That space is already carved out and full of so much love for you. I just can't wait to fill it in with all the details-if you have dimples, if you have curly blonde hair or dark dark eyes.
You have an oldest brother. His name is Eli. He will be 6 before you are here. He is interested in Star wars and technology and anything "fun". He always wants to be doing something special and exciting. Which is why when you come along, you'll be the perfect companion for him. You will be always changing in that first year and his excitement will ooze for every milestone. He can read and will read to you and I'll do my best to make sure it is not too-scary of a book. Eli will have a gentle touch and will wonder a lot about you.
Your other older brother is the little blondie in the pictures. Right now his head is right at perfect level to have long talks with you. He often runs to me and bumps right into you. He adores watching my belly move and thinks you have even kicked him in the cheek. This brother of yours is 3 1/2 and is full of energy and conversation. He will talk your ear off. He loves holding "little guys" and "swords" in his hands. He wants to do everything his big brother does and I imagine you will follow in his footsteps. However you must not mimic his sleep patterns. Because I'm actually hoping you become a sleeper before he does! I know Hugh is crying in these pictures but trust me, he is a happy and joyful boy. He is so beautiful that even when he is crying I just adore him. It just so happens that the picture was snapped during a short, sad moment of his life.
These are sad moments you will have too. I try to spin it in my mind, it's a beautiful moment because someone is learning something or growing in some way when there are tears. I hate to think about it, but you are going to be upset when you have a gas bubble in your tummy, or we wipe your nose too many times or you can't reach your pacifier. I know it will make you upset when I don't feed you quick enough or the right foods or when you want that song played again and again and you don't hear it. And then it will hurt when an adult tells you "No" , when you scrape a knee (during dance class? little league? theater practice? cheerleading? soccer? golf?) or when the teacher asks you try again.
Those things will hurt me too.
If I could, I would protect you from the world. But I can't-and I really shouldn't. This is how you will learn and grow. I will give you what you need, a lot of what you want and whatever I can. It's my mission in life.
Did you know that I was a third too? I don't even think I was really planned or hoped for (like you were) and you know what---that doesn't bother me. I have had an amazing life full of special moments, love, fairness, friendships, gifts, education, laughs, lessons, dancing, smiling and travel. I had two gifts in my life, an older brother and an older sister; both who I have learned a LOT from. And not just now--as they are both super inspiring and passionate about what they do and how they live their lives. But from little on, I watched them, tried to mimic them, observed when they were mixed up or made mistakes and I took that knowledge and it became power for me. I felt one step ahead because of them. My parents did a fabulous job of making me feel special and singled out. Even to this day.
And your dad. OH MY! He has 4 brothers and 3 sisters. He truly knows what it means to not be first born, or get to do everything first, or second or the most. I have all the faith in the world that he knows just how to help you understand this special role you have as little brother or sister. The smallest one. You will get your attention-don't you worry.
10 weeks to go.
Can you hear me when I talk about you or talk to you?
Do you know when your brothers are around?
Are you a boy or a girl?
Who will you be?
Will you come on the 19th?
Thanks for the wonder of it all. I cannot wait to meet you.
